Gloomy Days

Ivan once told me that from keeping your emotions in, one day you are going to burst your feelings out and won't be able to contorl it. He was right. I believe I have busrted many times, times where I'd just eat or be on my phone and my tears would be running down my face with no reason. Or so I thought so. I feel like the reason why my insides are crying is becasue deep down I know I have no motivaton to do anything, but lay in bed until it hits night time. Yesterday, I went all day without eating nor getting up for anyhting. I was in my room in complete darkenss and coldness. I could have killed myself and no one would have found me for so they never came in my room to check up on me. They probably would have found me in the morning. I just kept thinking how today I could have been gone and they would be clueless. I don't want to kill myself though, I don´t want to hurt anyone who cares for me. Although it seems like I am alone. I thought the lowest I been was back then, but now I feel I am at my lowest. Back then even if I was upset, I made sure people around me would be happy and made sure to make myself look happy. Now I don't really care if I am okay, if I am eating, sleeping, I can't even get up my bed to shower. I wake, I think, I overthink, I cry, I sleep... I wake, I think, I overhtink, I cry, I sleep and repeat.

Author Notes: if you ever feel like hurting yourself, don't do it. Many people love you and just killing yourself is going to pass your depression on to someone else who cars for your well being.

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