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Grandma's Bible

Grandma's Bible

By mudswimmer

S.S. Romantica
London Docks

Dear Grandma,

It was so good to see you on my last visit and I really appreciate the copy of the Bible you gave me. I have made a note in my diary to read the verses you mentioned. In fact, I hope to make a start on them this evening. I am sure they will be a source of much inspiration and joy to me as I leave these shores to journey through this uncertain world.

I shall not be earning as much money on this trip as I had hoped, but such is life.

Please give my love to Grandad.

Timothy
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S.S. Romantica
New York

Dear Grandma,

Thank you for your letter which was was waiting for our arrival in New York. This is such a busy, noisy city. It is also very expensive, so I don’t think I’ll be tempted to go ashore very much. The girls in the bars here display themselves in such a vulgar manner, and I do not know where to hide my face.

I read the Bible regularly and it is such a great source of authority and light.

Please give my love to Grandad.

Timothy
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S.S. Romantica
Rio, Brazil

Dear Grandma,

I hope you and Grandad are both well and coping with the English winter.

I thought the girls in New York were brazen, but they were like nuns compared to the ones that hang around the docks here. Fortunately, the bars are very expensive, so I am not tempted by their company or the demon drink, but spend my time window shopping for things I can never afford.

I really don’t know what I would do without the guidance of the scriptures.

Please give my love to Grandad.

Timothy
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S.S. Romantica
Panama City

Dear Grandma,

Well here I am, half way on my journey to New Zealand.

Thankfully, our stay in Panama City is a short one. Not only is it very expensive but some of the girls are beyond redemption. A young man needs a wise counsellor to guide him safely through these lands of sin and shame. In the absence of such a counsellor, I have relied on the Good Book you gave me, and it has served me well.

Please give my love to Grandad.

Timothy
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S.S. Romantica
Littleton, New Zealand

Dear Grandma,

At last we have arrived in this beautiful country and have started loading our cargo for London. The girls here appear to be better behaved than some of the hussies I have had the misfortune to encounter elsewhere.

I wish my wages were higher because there are lots of interesting things to buy here and I had hoped to bring you back a souvenir of our visit.

Despite the impeccable behaviour of our hosts, I continue to study my Bible, for one never knows where the Devil is lurking

Please give my love to Grandad.

Timothy
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S.S. Romantica
Cape Town

Dear Grandma,

From the harbour here in Cape Town, the Table Mountain is such a wonderful sight. How I wish you were both here to enjoy it. If only my wages were higher, I could explore more of this exciting country.

The people here are quite religious and I feel safe in their company. Sometimes, I carry the Good Book that you gave me all those months ago, and debate passages from the scriptures with strangers I meet in the park.

But now we are ready for the final leg of our journey and I look forward to seeing you both soon.

Please give my love to Grandad

Timothy
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SS Romantica
Southampton

Dear Grandma

Almost home again!

Thank you for your letter, I shall be delighted to send my Bible back to you as requested. It is a privilege to return something which has been my constant companion around the globe. I know it will be of great comfort to you, and better than any present I could afford, given the state of my finances.

On certain foreign shores, I have seen some shameful sights, but at least I had the guidance and inspiration of the scriptures to help me through those dark days and nights when I felt that Satan was trying to cross my path.

Give my Love to Grandad

Timothy
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S.S. Romantica
London Docks

Dear Grandma

Thank you for your recent letter. As ever, it was good to hear from you, but I am a little confused by something you wrote. You appear to be convinced that I have not opened a single page of the Bible since you gave it to me nearly a year ago. If this were at all true, how could you tell? You know that I always look after all my books carefully and never fold back the corners of the pages.

Give my love to Grandad

Timothy.
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The Old Folks Home
Gravesend

Dear Timothy,

Knowing that you might be hard up during your travels, Grandad and I
carefully placed £100 within your Bible in crisp £10 notes.

Thanks for returning them.

Love

Grandma and Grandad.


Tony Crowley (c) 1971

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About The Author
mudswimmer
mudswimmer
About This Story
Audience:
All Audiences
Posted:
14 Jun, 2011
Genre:
Comedy
Type:
Funny
Words:
863
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5,549

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