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He is not here any more by Raghda Badran

He is not here any more by Raghda Badran

By Raghda

i woke up today, searching as usual for him around the house, in the path, under the bed, all over, then to the garden where usually ny gay neighbor boll wakes me to the house again, tilling me he is not here and i should realize that he is not here anymore.
till now I am still living with him, i can’t forget his laughing and running all round, i can’t forget him flattering me and telling me that i have lost weight every day.
i am breathing every morning only for one reason, meeting him, but what if he is not here, what is the purpose of letting me wake up again!!!!!
i wrote my story everywhere, in the internet, magazines and even on the wooden chairs in the public gardens, many people showed their sympathy, and many other cried, i even had the chance for alot of dates because of my story, but i can’t still believe it, i think it is a big lie my mind invented just to fill the huge gap and emptiness in my heart and life.
or ir did happened but i can’t believe is over, i can’t just get it, he is not here anymore.
in 2-3-2009, just before my 20 birthday on 4 march, i phoned most of my friends to invite them to a party in my house, my family was very busy repairing their house, so they couldn’t make it to my birthday and they told me they would spend the last week of march with me on the beach, and i liked that, since they are going to pay for all the expenses of the hotel, i really need the money on my account to buy a new car i have always wanted.
Jane is my best best girlfriend, me and here are friends since we were in KG1 living in the same neighborhood, she knows that i am still single since the beginning of my life, she know that i am too funky to fall in love, they called me the mother of all, and they dealt with me like that, tilling me any problems they have, and they usually finds the solution with me.
when i called here, she told me that she would bring her friend with here, his name is wisly, and she said “please be fucking nice with him, he is so cute and well you know, i really wants you to talk to him, consider it as a date"
"hey you know what is my thoughts about that"
"give him a chance, talk to him, your 20 stupid and you still single, no love stories and nothing"
"ok ok just come on time, don’t get late as usual"
"fuckin bye"
"ya most fucking bye"
i wasn’t sure, i wanted this so much but i wasn’t sure, i got so worried, i didn’t know what to wear, which colures for my makeup, everything became a mess in my house.
i thought to go shopping, i bought some stuff with Jane, she picked them up for me, i was so worry .
each time somebody set me a date, i ruined it, and start to convenes every him i am as a friend, no more, this is the case always, i always find something wrong with him, whoever him was.
my birthday came, i have prepared alot of food and bought drinks, it began very very nice, with alot of people in my house, some i know and other i don’t, it was very fun, jane was late, so we had to cut my birthday before she came, we started to dance, i was so happy, suddenly a black hand on my shoulder, then it held my hand and i started to dance with him, deep brown eyes, with perfect dark skin, a body building handsome man i have never met someone like him, so compassionate, soft-hearted, i cant even find adjectives to describe him, since he is not here anymore, i haven’t felt so happy and felt that life really have taste like this.
he danced for an hour without speaking any thing, just looking at each other in eyes and holding hands, well sometimes get closer and closer.
that was the first time i experienced that feeling of love and i was so safety and i wasn’t thinking of anything but HIM.
Micky. janes boyfriend came and pushed us a way, then he said lets go to the swimming bool and have fun, we all went there, while walking, he came and hold my hands to their, then we sat on the chairs while everybody was in the pool, we sneeks the looks at each other, then we laughed.
"i am wisly"
"ya, i am josiphene"
"nice party"
"ya, thnx"
then we said "so" 2gather and we laughed again.
we kept talking till the next morning when the sun came up and we saw it 2gather.
by then everybody was sleeping on the floor, they slept so drunk, and theri was people everywhere in my house, even in my living room and the path.
they started waking up at 2 pm when i went to get lunch to everybody with wisly,
when we came home, we ate then cleaned up, everybody left, and wisly took my phone and he said he will call soon, i was saying in my mind i am waiting since now, just call now.
the second day he called, the phone was already on my poket waiting that he would call any moment, since then, we were talking ever day , every night, till one day i went to his house and you know the rest.
he know that i was virgin then, that pleased him so much, 2 weeks later we moved to live together, he insisted to be in his house.
we stayed together very happy, i cant even describe my feeling.
My 21 birthday was very soon, he told me tha we will spend it together alone, that he will take me to some place where nobody there but me and him, and I liked that a lot, all of my friends prepared me a birthday party in Jane’s house, wisly took me to the top of one of the Skyscraper, there was like a small tent, where inside a violet player and a nice short seats on the floor, it is almost touching the ground, we had out dinner, with a lot of fluttering and music sound, it was very romantic, then he asked me to go out of the tent, it was very windy outside, he got down on his knees, OMG that was the moment, he asked me to marry him, avery nice golden white ring entered my finger, that was the most beautiful moment I have ever experienced in my whole life.
He hug me, then we spend more hour in the tent, then I told him about the party Jane prepared for me, so we decided to leave, while in the car, ilooked at the clock and I told him that we are so late, and I asked him to hurry, jane was recently broke up and made that party for me, she needs me, so he start to drive really fast because of me.
Excuse me readers maybe for the bad language and grammar, but I cant stop crying and shaking, feeling very guilt , oh
We made a terrible accident, I had both of my legs broke and the bone of my chest, but he , he was in a very bad situation.
I woke up in the hospital lying, I couldn’t move and the pain was all over my body, I asked about him, they told me that he was fine with some broken bones in his chest.
I stayed almost 3 weeks cant move, asking about him like crazy, but they kept tilling me that he is just fine and in a temporary coma, nothing series.
I was very worry, but I cannot move , one day I woke up in avery bad mood, and it was all dark, very dark, I got mad, felt over the bed, and hurt my knees, the doctor later told me that I have lost sight, my head hit very badly, and there is no chance for me to see again, I felt apart and lost control of myself, I realized that I wont be able to see him again, and I am sure that he loves me, but I am now blind.
4 days later wisly woke up from the coma, the doctors made some tests and they came up that he has lost his memory.
Later he came with the doctor, but he didn’t knew me, he didn’t even remember that he had proposed me weeks ago.
When they told him that I am supposed to be his wife, he wasn’t sure and he said that he have to try getting his memory back, then he left the hospital.
Left me like a body, I thought of killing myself many times, but each time it get too close, the idea of him coming back saves me.
Later I got out of the hospital, I stayed with jane long enough to force her to till me exactly what is happening, why he didn’t call or even asked about me, finally she painfully said that he have changed very much, he had seen me blind, and he decided to just go, continue his life.
Ya sure continue his life not with a blind girl, he is not wisly that I have known, this is not what I suppose to have.
It is just happened, jane wanted me to live with her, but I couldn’t just go out of our house, ilove him, I don’t want to go far from him, now ia m losing my mind too slowly, thinking always about him and about us, every day I woke up crying, shaking, searching for him in the house, he might get hid memo back and he got back home, to me, search every where in the house, in the garden, then our gay neighbor turned me back home, jane comes in the afternoon.
This is my life now, shall I wake up tomorrow.

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About This Story
12 Jul, 2010
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