Where do I begin? At the start of our relationship? Our lives before we met? 3 months ago? or do I just start in the here and now? I will start 3 months ago; after all, you haven’t picked up this story because it’s a story of romance. You have opened this story because it is about Spirits, communicating with our loved ones after they have departed from this world.
It all began 3 months. Nothing different but the fact HE, my husband, wasn’t well. Apologies, for I trivialised the moment, the start of it all. So, HE was more than a little under the weather. HE was spiking a temperature; his mouth was infested with white sores and he was different in his demeanour. There was an almost childlike appearance to him. That Wednesday morning, I didn’t know if I was going to get him to the doctor because he was so poorly. But I did and he sat there quietly but with tears running down his face. “Why are you crying” I whispered to him, not wanting to draw attention to him. “I don’t know. Where are we?” came the reply. “At the doctors.” I stated. “When can we go home?” he asked, like a child. “After we have seen the doctor.” There was a pause in the conversation and then he said, “I can’t remember why we are here!” “Don’t worry, I will be your memory. Just ask me and I will tell you what you can’t remember. So why are you crying?” “Don’t like not remembering, it reminds me of my Nan. I don’t want to be like Nan”.
HE adored his Nan and missed not seeing her. She had Alzheimer’s and reasons why HE was not in contact are not relevant to this story. All you need to know is that HE loved her very much and so was special to him.
I led him by the hand to the doctor that morning. The doctor began to ask questions, expecting a reply buy my husband sat there momentarily and then turned to me and said “You tell him please”. So, while I spoke on his behalf, HE sat there looking at his hands which were clenched. “These are not my hands” HE muttered but little if no attention was made by the doctor to this comment. I, myself noted it, but didn’t realise its significance until much later.
We left the surgery, with medication for an illness which the doctor did not classify. Basically, he didn’t know. On returning home I tucked HE up in bed and dosed him with antibiotics and pain relief. He slept heavily and I watched over him nervously because if his temperature didn’t reduce I had to take him back to the surgery. So, like a newly qualified nurse I was diligent in my job and I monitored him regularly. The day passed on unremarkably, HE slept for most of it, waking up intermittently for drink or pain relief. Around 6 o’clock I went and sat on the bed beside my husband, where he was dozing. Suddenly he sat bolt upright in bed and said, “My nan is dead!!!!!!!” He then flung himself down into the duvet and sobbed. I don’t know why, I can’t explain, but I did not for one second doubt what he had said. That is why I went in search of evidence via the IPad. I searched not really thinking about what I was doing therefore I cannot say what my expectations were. This was to become a common state of being for myself. Not thinking and not expecting.
There it was, staring back at me in bold print. The name, the date and the place. Yes, he was right, his nan had passed away. In fact, she had passed away 6 weeks previous and had been cremated exactly a week earlier!!!!!! Due to reasons, which are not relevant to my retelling, HE had not been told. But here I was anyway holding the evidence that HE was in fact correct. I felt and thought nothing as I made my way back into the bedroom to show him he was right. I wished I didn’t have to. HE sobbed harder when I told him. There was little time to console him before he was on the edge of the bed clasping his chest on the left side. “oooooh I know how she died. She died of a heart attack” he claimed before he fell back into uncontrollable sobbing again. A few minutes later his chest pain had gone.
That was THE MOMENT, the defining pinpoint on the axis of our lives, when things changed. Only I didn’t realise it at the time. I can’t remember here in any detail how the rest of that evening played out. I can tell you that HE was still very poorly, and he fell into deep sleep again. Myself, you may think was a quivering wreck? No, I was the opposite I took it in my stride, how and why, I do not know! I did not question, I did not doubt, I accepted that my husband’s nan had communicated with him from beyond the grave. There was no plausible excuse for any other conclusion because I had been there, I had witnessed it. So that night I got into bed as usual and fell asleep.
The following day was unremarkable really. HE was still very poorly with mouth ulcers growing and joining onto each other; the pain was excruciating. My memory does not record anything pen worthy and I cannot write that we had in depth spooky talks about the previous night because we didn’t or if we did I’m afraid I can’t remember it, apologies dear reader. However, I need to keep it factual as this is a recount of real events and not a dramatization of my imagination. Hence, I will swiftly move on to Friday.
Friday began just like the previous days that week; with me hoping that HE would feel better and that morning was certainly more positive because he was up and sitting at the breakfast table, just like he usually did. It was around 10 o clock when he asked me for painkillers. His head was in pain. Before I could get them, HE called out “Leave them I haven’t got a headache, I think it is my Nan. I
I joined him back in the dining room, where I tilted the blinds to close and I lit a candle, before sitting next to my husband at the table. I held his hand tightly, while he groaned in pain. I sat and waited, waited for it to begin, my eyes focused on the small flickering flame. HE began to talk, retelling messages from his Nan.
She wasn’t happy, she had called for him towards her ending and HE hadn’t showed. Someone had pretended to be him, but it wasn’t him, she knew. HE said that we were protected, but his nan was going to put things right”. I should let you know that while HE is saying these things he is experiencing pain, he is sobbing at times and laughing at others. I am watching and listening to my husband communicating with his dead Nan!!!!!
What came next I was not expecting.