Days turned into a month and I was madly in like with my bio teacher. Everything seemed to be going great until he gave the report card. I was expecting it; however the teachers had been on strike and nothing of this sort wad expected. That afternoon, I went to his class and asked to talk with him. That afternoon was the first time I broke in front of my bio teacher and nearly cried. It was also the first time he called me "hun" and looked at me with worry. He asked what wouldve happened and I saw he was trying really hard to console me. As I think back to that day, shivers run through my body. Despite being so emotional and upset, I would dee genuine care, even pity which makes me embarrassed because I never wanted him to see me as the innocent high schooler as expected. That day I also realized, even though I madly like him, my parents still mattered as did my career. I felt proud of myself later for actually bravely tackling the issue.
In the end I did end up telling my parents for which they were displeased by I learnt from that day. That night it was the first time I dreamt about my bio teacher. Prior to that I had hawked my eyes and in the morning it was poofy and red. I looked disastrous, I felt so down that I decided to wear a hood and jeans and look absolutely crappy. The moment I entered the classroom, his eyes followed me. I refused to glance at him because I was a little mad that he wad the reason behind such dramatics. Eventually, I cheered up and looked up as he collected the signed sheet. As he returned it, he looked me in the eye and said "You did it" with a big smile, then asked "are you ok?" and I nodded. With those few words, the anger I had felt for him dissolved and I realized how compassionate he is, especially to his students. My heart aches as I think back to that time. I was so foolish, innocent to give my heart. I really do wish I had stopped this nonsense back then but I didn't, honestly I couldn't.
This incident only ended making me feel deeper than I already felt and a part of me wished badly that he would notice me as a lady. It was such an innocent yet sinful fantasy and if I had the chance I would have given up anything for it.