It's almost midnight and you haven't come online yet.
What are you doing?
As I wait for your name to turn green, I think of all the ways I could greet you. "Hey :3!" "How have you been? Haven't talked to you in awhile..." "So what are you thinking about?"
I would love to know that last one. What are you thinking about? Who are you thinking about?
I load up another game of soltaire and wait for your name.
I suck at soltaire, really, and it's your fault for not teaching me. I'm always clicking the deck or dragging the wrong cards, and I always lose.
But I have to play one more game. One more game, just like I always have to talk to you one more time.
I can't get enough of you, I'm obsessed. It's creepy, and I wish it would just go away. I hate thinking about you, I hate you, I hate you, I wish you were dead. I hate you so fucking much.
And I still need to talk to you.
It's past one and you aren't on.
You're always on at eleven, then stay on until two.
Why aren't you on?
One more game of soltaire, then I'll go to bed. One more conversation with you, and then I'm done.
You're name turns green and I almost miss it.
Immediately every word that I planned to say sounds mediocre and forced.
I lean back in my bed and think of a good way to say 'hello'. My fingers are posed on my keyboard, ready to talk to you.
R: oh, hi :3
K: Yeah. Why are you still up?
I have nothing to say. I want to tell you I love you I miss you I want you back.
R: playing soltaire :p why?
K: Oh, ha.
K: We need to talk.
K: It's about this 'friend' thing.
My mind suddenly hops onto this fantasy of him confessing that he always loved me and that he will never forgive me and that he wants me back.
I hate my mind so fucking much.
K: I don't think being friends is going to work out.
K: I hate the way you're so clingy.
K: It's like you're afraid that this friendship will burn out.
R: wow that's mean. .__.
K: It's the truth.
R: you're a real fucking ass, you know that?
K: And you still love me, don't you?
K: Half of the school knows that. It's annoying and creepy.
K: Give it up.
Shut up shut up shut up.
R: If that's all you have to say to me, then that's fine.
The laptop finds its way out of my hands and onto the floor. My head crams itself into the pillow and my body curls into a ball.
I can't believe I let this happen.
It's all my fault, it must be my fault.
that conversation actually happened. .__. ha ha my life sounds horrible doesn't it?