I have gotten a lot of messages about how my stories are well written and very relatable. I currerntly am doing something every week with washable markers. But, before I tell you what it is, let me explain.
So, I have a friend who was going to kill herself and she told me that the only reason she wouldn't do it is because of me. Now, being an emotionally unstable person, it kind of puts alot of pressure on me. I feel that if I say the wrong thing or if they take it the wrong way then they will end it all. As this is going on, more stuff at school is going on that includes me like fights and drama. That stuff is also putting pressure on me because people are asking me to chose sides, when I know for a fact that I can't.
I go into phases where all I want to do is die, and/or feel physical pain. I know that may sound weird or it sounds like I need serious help, but keep reading.
I have cut myself multiple times on the wrist and thighs when I am in those "phases". So, I tried something different.
Instead of cutting, I write. Doesn't matter where, but all I do is write and write and write.( I have probably wrote 20 other stories in the past 2 days.)
Bullying is another big part of my life, and I think I have mentioned that in other stories I have written and posted on this website. The past week I have been getting hate because of my outfits, my weight (which isn't bad), height, name, "friends", the way I do things, ect. Stupid little things like that cause people to call me names. Names like whore, slut, fat, worthless, asshole, bitch, waste of space, marshmellow, ect.
I don't go to an adult as much as I did. I know that the most that they will do is call my mom and tell her that she needs to come pick me up.
What I have realized is that most people don't know that this stuff is going on. Recently, I have interested in the art of other languages. Not speaking it, but languages that uses signs (like korean, chinese, ect) as letters.
I have been taking washable markers and writing the names that people call me on my hand and arm so others can see it. Not in english though, in korean. Why would I do that? I do it so that those who call me those names know that I am not going to let those words get me down in the dumps and I will flaunt those ugly words around embracing it. It may not sound good, but when people ask me, what is on your hand? I always respond with "It is what so and so (but I say the name) said to me or called me today.
Then those people will end up saying something to those people or they will ask me why I do it. I normally say there is nothing you can do about words, unless you got them in writing or on video there is no proof.
So, if you are bullied or feel like cutting/hurting yourself. Try writing them down, I would hate to find out that you got hurt because things got to your head.
If you have any questions or would just want to talk, feel free to message me!!