Holding You Tight

Deafening silence. The room was deafeningly silent as Yoongi swirled his small glass of whiskey in his hand– no ice. The liquid moving cautiously up and back down the walls of the heavy glass cup. He took another sip and felt the alcohol burn his throat as his pain was dampened.

How did everything go so wrong so quickly?

Yoongi stared at the remaining liquid courage in his cup and downed it all in one. He winced slightly at the effects of the substance and released a sigh. Glancing at the now empty cup, he chuckled to himself.

“I empty my drink but it just fills with loneliness,” he whispered to himself.

He couldn’t help but think back to when he was with Y/N. When they were happy…

—

“Yoongi Yoongi Yoongs!” Y/N called out cheerfully.

“Hold up hold up! Wait for me! These bags are heavier than they look!” he called back.

Y/N chuckled in reply, watching the love of her life waddle faster towards her, arms full of bags filled with food and some small activities.

“Let’s stay here, yeah?” she suggested once the man caught up and placed the bags on the floor, panting. He nodded in agreement as he tried to catch his breath

She quickly pulled out a large blanket and set it on the lush green grass. Yoongi automatically placed various items on the corners to prevent the soft fabric from being pushed by the winds of the Han River.

They sat next to each other and took a moment to watch the ever changing waters nearby.

“The sky is so clear today. Not even one cloud in sight,” Y/N started.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Beautiful and warm,” added Yoongi.

She smiled back at him in agreement, feeling the gentle wind blow through their hair and the warmth from the rays of the sun on their skin.

—

“Tch,” fell from the lips of Yoongi involuntarily. “Clear skies don’t guarantee warmth…”

He sighed and placed the glass onto the wooden table.

“Were we even ever happy?” he softly questioned, his voice barely audible to his own ears.

—

“If you’re going to come home this late why don’t you just not come back at all?!” she shouted, voice rising.

“Well EXCUSE ME for having ACTUAL work to do!” retorted Yoongi, shouting with just as much power and anger.

“I checked with the boys and they said you left well before 10pm! It does NOT take 6 hours to get home! I just don’t und-”

“What the hell?! You’re keeping tabs on me?! Do you not trust me?!”

“I was getting worried! What else could I do when you don’t tell me anything! Especially tonight!”

“So now I have to tell you everything I do. Every little detail. Unbelievable!”

“That’s not what I’m asking of you. I just-”

“You just what?! I have more than enough stress from the company and I don’t need anymore from you!”

“Yoongi I have given you your space. I have been encouraging, understanding, and patient. But staying you out THIS late, and even coming home drunk on some occasions, without telling me a single thing…ignoring me for days…I’m at my wits end!”

“Encouraging? Understanding? Patient?! YOU?! HA! Ignoring you was my only option. I couldn’t take your constant nagging! All you did was bother me while-”

“I don’t nag you!”

“You do! Just ask the boys! Oh wait! You probably nag them too! Since you’re making them tell you every little thing I do!”

“Yoongi. For the past months I have let you do what you want. We had AGREED to this one night! ONE NIGHT! And you show up at freaking 4am?!”

“Why don’t you understand that I was busy!?”

“We made plans for today ages ago!” she screamed, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“What’s even so special about-” Yoongi started but was stopped by his own thoughts. Everything seemed to stand still.

“Get out,” she mumbled.

“What?”

“Get out! If I’m such a bother and a nuisance in your life then get out right now! I want nothing to do with you! Get out of here and get out of my life!”

“You know what?! FINE. I WILL. I never loved you anyway!” he screamed as he grabbed the jacket he had tossed onto the couch just moments after stepping into the place he had called home.

The door slammed shut as she stood there in utter shock from taking such a strong blow. When she was able to gather what was left of her sanity, her feet led her to the kitchen where a single red rose sat on a plate. Without hesitation, she gripped onto the flower with all her might and made her way to the front door, not realizing the thorns were digging into her skin–not realizing the blood that started to drip down her hand. With all her power, she flung the reddened plant at the door that stood between the pair. Tears blurred her vision. Her cries drowning out the silence.

“Happy fucking four year anniversary,” she sobbed softly between breaths.

Yoongi had heard it all. He hesitated on their front porch with his hand still on the doorknob. Realizing what had just happened, he released the knob and turned to look at the empty streets. Anger still ran through his veins as he remembered things she had said– things he had said.

He made his way down the steps and shoved his hands into his pockets as he walked down the sidewalk. Before even making it past his own home, he stumbled over a large bag and barely regained his balance. He glared at the trash bag that caused such a loud sound after being kicked. His rage grew further as he kicked the bag once more as hard as he could, not caring about anything anymore.

—-

Remaining seated, Yoongi reached for the large bottle of whiskey and poured himself another glass.

For as long as he could remember, they had always fought. It was a constant war. But no matter how many days, weeks, and years have passed, she had never left his mind. His heart ached for her to just hold him tight and comfort him with both her words and her warmth.

A single rose sat elegantly in a thin vase as not only the centerpiece of the table, but a constant reminder that he hated everything.

He hated the way he slowly went insane just days after the event.

He hated how he felt constantly exhausted without her.

He hated how emptiness and loneliness consumed him.

He hated how he knew he was no better than a corpse.

He hated the tears that he couldn’t control.

He hated how his clear skies were always cold.

He hated the fact that he would run to you in a heartbeat to embrace you.

He hated the fact that he would never be given the chance.

He hated knowing he could have held you tight but had let you slip from his very grasp.

He hated remembering you.

He hated loving you.

But that was all he could do.

Rather than taking hold of the cold glass cup, Yoongi ever so gently lifted up the rose, pulling it free from the confines of the vase. He held it closer to his face but suddenly felt a prick.

A drop of blood formed on his fingertip as the flower tumbled from his hands and crashed onto the table in front of him.

“…I just wanted to hold you tight…”

Author Notes: Contains errors.

Recommend Write a ReviewReport