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I Am Trans, but I've Always Been a Man.
I Am Trans, but I've Always Been a Man.

I Am Trans, but I've Always Been a Man.

ZackZack
1 Review

I'm trans, so-what does it matter. Why do you want to know why, why do you tell me that my lame excuse to hide the real reason why isn't good enough? Why do you even tell me I'm girly, when I'm not!

And what does is matter if I am? Why do you see things as gorly or manly? Why do you see skin colour and why do care so much if I want to be a boy?

I AM A BOY!

But you don't listen and you want me to explain, but dear siblings that will never read this, know that I couldn't tell you without crying, with my mom overhearing and yelling at me again because I appearently don't care about how she feels....

I tried my whole life to as selfless as possible, but I can't anymore. I'm selfish and I don't care what you want me to do, I don't care if you like it, I don't care if try and stop me, call me "girly," tell me that I'm a girl, tell me that I'm just following my friends. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MY FRIENDS WERE TRANS WHEN I WAS 5! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MY FRIENDS AT ALL!!!!!!!!

I'm hardly existing and you're letting me slip away, if I die today it'd be the fact that I CAN'T STAND LOOKING at my chest and it not be flat, I CAN'T STAND TO hear that my voice is skweeky, AND I CAN'T STAND hearing my deadname or hearing someone misgender me!

I'm tormintended in my DREAMS! I don't get sleep, I have the same dream, the same nightmare everynight, it's nothing, but black and there I am, a man. Then these hands start coming from everywhere and rip off my clothes and cover me and when they disappear there's a naked girl and a bunch of voices screaming at me! "Lesbian" "Fake" "It's not real" "you don't care about me" "you're not a boy you're a girl" over and over again....

You think I say crazy things, just read what I write, listen to these voices in my head, my demons. Dream these nightmares I can't get rid of. You put your feet and my shoes, be me for five seconds, why don't YOU go take a shower and feel the way I feel. I have to look up and sing and do anything possible to zone out and not think about it. It's harder than it looks.

If this isn't good enough for you dear mom, dear siblings, dear dad-who-doesn't-know-yet. Then there won't be a tomorrow, just me staring out of a glass window, re-living my nightmares on repeat.

Author Notes: Please give me feedback, I loving getting advise! Stay safe and have fun or somethin'. (also, I'm trying to make "Yes I'm trans, but I've always been a man." be like, my personal quote, but someone else can use it if they want.) Bye~

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About The Author
Zack
Zack
About This Story
Audience
All
Posted
27 Apr, 2021
Words
444
Read Time
2 mins
Favorites
1 (View)
Recommend's
2 (View)
Rating
5.0 (1 review)
Views
624

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