I Love You <3

Just started high school and everything was going well. Made many new friends I was really happy. Im the type of person who LOVES making new friends. I'll go up to you and start conversation. Im random and not afraid. As time went by, school just got better. Than one day I noticed this guy. He seemed different than all the other guys I met. He was pretty tall compared to me. Im 5ft 4ish and he was like 5ft 11ish. Short, but not to short hazel coloured hair. Mesmerizing hazel eyes. The most adorable smile ever. Braces, glasses. And always and I mean EVERYDAY he wore a different jersey. Hes a HUGE basketball fan and a great player himself. Infact the first time I saw him he was playing basketball at lunch outside. I thought he looked like Zac Efron. A cute and not as mature looking Zac Efron. I described him as the "zac efron dude" to my friends since I didnt know his name. Whenever I saw him in the halls I'd be like "there he is the zac efron dude". My friends thought I was going crazy I mean I didnt even know the guy. I wanted to introduce myself to him. Buh I didnt know how to. Than one day we had a geography field trip the the "bad lands" a place with sandy little bumpy hills. I saw that he was hanging around one of my friends alot so, I went up to my friend in the hope that he might actually notice me. LOLS! he did notice me alright. I was the girl who was having fun jumping around in the muddy mountains since it was raining. And was covered in mud. It wasnt really the way I wanted him to see me buh as long as he knew who I was I was happy. All I wanted from this guy was to be his friend. Sometimes when I see someone I just get this feeling straight away that I wanna be there friend. I never knew that I was actually going to fall for him, love him. Buh I did and boy let me tell you I feel hard. I started talking to him on MSN every night and the more I got to know about him the more I was interested in him. The more I had a feeling I might actually have a chance with this guy. The dance was approaching and I was thinking of maybe asking him. Im not scared to. So one night, when I was talking to him on MSN I asked about the dance and if he was going or not. He said he might. I kinda got excited. Than I asked if he was going to ask anyone, Or if he liked anyone. LOLS! I guess I was wrong. He did like someone. Not me though. And for the first time in my lyfe, I actually cried. Like Ive liked guys before but never this much. And the girl he liked was one of my friends to. From that day on, he always talked about her. How she has such a nice smile, how much he really liked her. And I just sat there in the other end of the conversation thinking. This is exactly how I feel about you. Buh I didnt tell him. He found out eventually though cause one of my friends told him. Some friend. But I didnt care if he knew. I didnt care if the whole world knew as long as it didnt change anything between us. Buh it did. After he found out, things slowly started to get awkward between us. We all knew. The girl knew I liked him and that he liked her. He knew that I liked him. And we just all knew. I tried helping him by trying to convince the girl to give him a chance. Buh that didnt go so well. She said that she'd never feel the same about him and that he should just move on. Later on, they both got into an argument and he told her he doesnt ever want to talk to her again. She of course was happy with that since she thought he was annoying. Buh he really regretted that. Unfortunately I chose the wrong time to talk to him. When I did. He spazzed at me. "why do you still like me!? I thought you said youd try to get over me! Its not that hard!" I kind of felt offended so I said " If its so easy than why dont you get over her!?" and he said " you have no f*cking rights to comment on my lyfe! and how can you like someone who's starting to hate you!" After that I just left and cried for hours. Like I never really realized how much his words hurt. I knew it wasnt him though. He changed. He was depressed and so was I. I told him I wont talk to him until im over him. A week or 2 later I told him I was over him. I dont know if he believe me or not buh I wanted his friendship. I was really depressed. He was all that was in my mind in the morning when I wake up till Night when I sleep and in my dreams. I couldnt stop loving him no matter how much he told me to. And he couldnt stop loving her even if he wanted to. I started looking like a dead bytch when I went to school. I got angry for the littlest reasons I just didnt know anything anymore. I started failing one of my classes literally below 50 and as for the others they went down. Coincedentally same things were happening to him. We both were acting like each other whetha we knew it or not. Slowly I he started talking to me and we became really good friends like close and all. He shared his problems to me about her. About other girls he might like. And I just listened on the phone heartbroken each time. I tried helping him. I didnt care about me. I just want to see him happy I dont care if that means I have to be sad. Hes becoming himself again. And apologized for what happened last time. He still doesnt know what I went through... Its something I cant explain. If you saw me you can see it buh not something I could explain. I just told him I still loved him yesterday cause the guilt was haunting me. I couldnt do it anymore and I just said it. Surprisingly he took it pretty well. Buh I have this fear within me that I hope it doesnt ruin our friendship, cause I dont know if I'd be able to handle it this time. I dont want to regret this decision. I really dont... :\
Just wish he could see ...

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