There are demons snapping at my heels, snarling and driving me on. God has disowned me as his son, and I pant, breathless, as I run.
I run and I run and I run and I run,
Yet every time I look back they still trail behind me.
I chase and I chase and I chase the setting sun,
Though I know I’ll never be free.
No matter where I go or how fast,
My demons find me, running faster.
I can never escape my past,
Nor forget the ways I hurt her.
I moved across the country to flee the grasping claws of guilt
And for a while, I thought they were gone.
For a moment I rested and thought of all the good things to be built;
For a second I thought I had won.
I thought I was finished with running and hiding and feeling
As though the world was closing in.
I planned for a future without burning and stealing,
Where I loved what lay within.
I thought I could outrun them but when I stopped, they continued hunting. They never ceased their searching, for God has judged and found me wanting.
Now I can feel them closing in as hounds baying for my blood;
As wolves howl at the moon.
In my false sense of safety, I had put down roots.
So I cannot move my feet; they will find me soon
The fear builds until I'm gasping,
To leave would mean never returning.
To break these bonds would be to destroy myself.
To destroy these bonds would be to break myself.
The first of these monsters chasing finds me,
Standing wooden and resigned.
The new skin growing over old scars begins to bleed,
And drugs are the only cure I find.
The drugs welcome me more with every hit and every line.
They hold no grudge for how I left,
Only joy that they are once more mine.
Only joy even as they steal my breath.
As my demons surround me, they offer me a choice. To live I must give them my voice. I break and give in, for to die is not a choice.
They howl and laugh and taunt me,
For it was never truly my decision.
I beg and cry a silent plea,
Seeking release from my prison.
They spit on me and curse my name,
Dangling the key before my face.
They force me to accept guilt and blame
For there is no return to grace.
Sleep is taken from me next,
Their revelries keep me awake.
I cannot call for help or text;
So slowly, slowly, I begin to break.
I fear I will never escape, though I have done so before. If I could but escape my cage, I see an open door. I want freedom more than anything, yet I have not the strength to run once more.