I’ve scrubbed my body until my hands bled,
But I can’t seem to erase your scent.
I washed my sheets a thousand times,
But I still feel you in every thread.
I washed all my clothes and threw away our pictures,
But your ghost hides beneath my bed.
Even when the rain shakes the roof
I can hear nothing but the words you said.
Every time you told me you loved me,
It all spins inside my head.
I downed all the sleeping pills I had left
But I can't seem to dream without you.
I know if I do I'll only dream about you,
And all the reasons why you left.
Food tastes like ash and silt
I long for the taste of your lips.
Oh, the monuments we could have built.
A testament to the love spilled from your lips.
Towers and spires scraping the sky,
To rival the beauty of your lips.
I don't understand why I cannot rid myself of you,
I don't understand why you left.
I don't understand why we fell apart
Or why you left me, bereft.
It makes me hate myself for letting go
For not knowing I would miss you.
It just hurts too much to think about you,
It breaks my heart to know.
I would've given you everything.
My heart, my love, a throne.
We could’ve risen from our pasts.
We could’ve built a home.
You say it's my fault,
And maybe that's true.
But you didn't deny it or protest
When I asked if you wanted someone new.
Maybe you weren’t supposed to be mine,
Or maybe destiny led me to you.
I remember the day I asked you if you would be mine forever,
I remember you said “yes” in a heartbeat, though it wasn't true.
It couldn't be, because, even if you didn't, I knew.
Knew the things you said weren’t true.
I knew.
I knew.
I knew.
With every part of my soul, I knew.
You were only supposed to be my best friend, never anything more
So every moment we spent together,
Was stolen from fate's store.
The thought of fate makes me laugh
It's all bullshit; fake.
I wish that love didn't die so quickly
And in turn, inspire hate.
So I scrub my skin until my hands are raw;
I threw away my sheets.
Now I sleep with open eyes
Unaware of my heart beats.
My body aches as I lie in bed,
But I refuse to close my eyes.
I'm waiting until your memory dies,
And you fucking leave my head.
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United States • 24 years old