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I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry

By deadgirl2004

I'm sorry I'm not rich enough as a man, to solve everyone's financial burdens with the flick of a pen or the swipe of a card....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

As I sit here reflecting on my life,
I slowly realize it been nothing but strife....

I'm sorry I'm not patient enough as a man, to take on everyone's responsibilities plus my own....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

As the memories flood my thoughts I feel bolts of pain, Trying to make sense of it all, I feel myself strain....

I'm sorry I'm not smart enough as a man, to solve everyone's problems plus my own with the quickness of the wind....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

I stumble through the darkness deep within my soul, trying to climb out of this dismal hole....

I'm sorry I'm not skilled enough as a man, to be the instrument everyone uses to lessen the strain of their existence....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

Reluctantly searching for answers that are never shown, I sit and ponder while I sit alone....

I'm sorry I'm not adept enough as a man, to stop myself from being manipulated into being everyone's little slave boy....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

Whether it's karma or fate, I cannot tell. But something or somehow I've been housed in my personal hell....

I'm sorry I'm not centered enough as a man, to be the father everyone expects or needs....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

Should I run, give up, or hide? Or should i wait for death to wash over me like the tide?

I'm sorry I'm not humble enough as a man, to just sit quietly while everyone's life grows for the better, gaining the objects of their desires, while mine seem to disappear shortly after I get them, while my life shrinks for the worst....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

Silence, only tears as I press the blade against my skin....

I'm sorry I'm not bright enough as a man, to stand out in a crowd, as I fail in my quest to be an individual, when the world and everyone in it are trying to control and convert me in the everyday carbon copies, forcing me to remain as blending in, holding me in a grip of conformity and average contempt....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

Red, the blood flows from the wound, echoing my inner pain....

I'm sorry I'm not soft enough as a man, for people to mold me to their liking....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

I am physically weary, mentally exhausted, spiritually defeated....

I'm sorry I'm not important enough as a man, for my thoughts, choices, or requests to be respected or taking seriously, as if I speak but no one listens, as if I feel but no one needs, I walk alone and my wishes are rejected and ignored as if by some weird chance I was born to play the muse or butt of life's cruel joke....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

I am like garbage, discarded but never saved, waiting to be tossed aside....

I'm sorry I'm not aggressive enough as a man, to pursue and punish others and hold them accountable, while I am too busy being the good guy, the loyal and honest guy, the guy who does whatever he can to avoid conflict by constantly trying to do the right thing....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

Wondering if I will feel achievement or failure as the minutes pass, as the light slowly fades....

I'm sorry I'm not emotional enough as a man, to say I love you and feel it deep within, due to saying it once too often without reciprocated actions, to feel a kinship with someone and have my words mean nothing, as they tear and destroy what I work so hard to build and shape....

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.....

I smile as the edges of light start to caress the fingertips of the darkness that reaches out to carry me home to a world of peace, a world of silence, a world of nothing where nothing belongs....

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About The Author
deadgirl2004
deadgirl2004
About This Story
Audience:
All Audiences
Posted:
12 Aug, 2017
Genre:
Drama, Tragedy
Type:
Inspirational, Sad, Serious
Words:
697
Favorites:
0
Views:
84

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