I let Edward call a few times more before agreeing to meet him the next Saturday evening, his only night off. He asked me to go for a ride in his Porsche but afraid to be alone in his car with him, I suggested meeting at a safe place for dinner. He suggested Michael's, a French seafood restaurant with a theater next door so we could also take in the movie Chinatown he wanted to see.
With Edward’s phone calls, hubby and I argued during the little weekend time we had together. At our work day breakfasts, I was sullen, created issues, got cross over little things but of course I blame shifted. Hubby hadn’t changed. I had. I compared him to Edward unfavorably to provide excuses to take Edward’s phone calls and meet him on Saturday night.
Saturday afternoon, household duties completed, a meal prepared for hubby and the kids, I announced I was eating out. Hubby taken aback wanted to know why, where and with who. I retorted.
“It’s just a guy from work who talks to me and wants to see the movie Chinatown. We’re just friends. What’s the matter? You’re not jealous, are you? It’s just dinner and a movie. He may even be gay. I can go, can’t I?”
I pretended to seek his approval but was going with or without it. Confused and unsure he asked.
"Who is he?"
From past successful lying I knew to provide distraction details.
"I just told you, a guy from work, a nerd. Looks weird, suffers from acne, girls make fun of him but we talk. I ran into him at the Mall. He asked me to see the movie. We talk about books and movies. No one’s nice to him. I pity him”
There was a guy at work who fit my lie but I didn’t talk to him either. I decided to use him as my template to avoid a lie trip wire.
“You want me to be sociable, so I said yes. His names Randy, Randy the Dandy the girls tease him.
You wanted me to go swinging. Now you get jealous over nothing, me seeing a movie with a nerdy guy, talking about books, eating. Yet you want me to go swinging!"
"Who is he?"
It was time to confront. More detail would result in a trip up. I replied in a terse tone as if to start an argument.
"You’re jealous as expected. Well now I’m going! It’s too late to change. It’s just dinner and a movie!"
"Be back by 10."
He was avoiding an argument but also thinking of swinging and assumed this would promote a second attempt. It never occurred to him I could be jealous of him. I didn't mention the phone calls.
He watched intently while I dressed in the slinky peasant, mini dress, strapped on the new shoes and put on the dangling earrings Edward bought. He observed closely if I kept my wedding ring on. I did and taunted him by waving my hand before his stare as if he was being ridiculous. He asked what restaurant as I tilted my head to put the earring hooks in ear lobes. I said Denny's to keep him from barging into Michael’s. He had to take care of the kids but do something rash. I didn’t need a drama scene.
Setting my previously prepared dinner on the kitchen table for he and the kids, in coded words the kids wouldn’t understand, I reiterated his questioning my seeing a gay nerd meant he was irrationally jealous. I said I was still going and he should forget swing. This deflection kept him quite but he still insisted on my being home by 10 PM, his words of accepting defeat. I agreed by saying, “yes, yes.” I knew he thought, back by 10avoided sex.
Before leaving I returned to the bedroom, opened the bathroom vanity, tore off a condom from the package he bought for his swinging fiasco and hid it in my purse. Back in the kitchen I calmed him.
“I’ll be back by 10. It’s only dinner and a movie. Don’t make a big deal out of nothing!”
I turned, kissed him for back up, opened the garage door and hurried to the car. He watched from the kitchen window as I backed my white banana station wagon out onto the street, the car the best evidence of innocent intent.
At 10 PM I tersely phoned from the theater saying I would be late as I was going to have a glass of wine and hung up before he could protest.
After dinner, movie and torrid sex with someone I was afraid until that night to ride alone with, I returned home to the only man up until then I knew intimately, a man I felt safe with but was now afraid to confront.
The night with Edward opened a new world but one I was afraid would destroy my existing one. I was in love with another man, a man who maybe loved me but would never marry me. Now I had a husband to face. When I entered the house after 1 AM, he was waiting in the kitchen as I exited the garage. My hair was rumpled and damp from the shower at Edward’s. I couldn’t look at him. It was obvious.
He asked accusingly.
"What happened, why are you late?"
Looking down at the kitchen floor, I replied ambiguously.
"You asked me to socialize, I did! Now you're jealous! What do you want?"
Terrified of his reaction, reiterating it was all his idea but not admitting to having sex, I awaited his response, head tilted to one side, expecting screaming, a blow. Instead of yelling or hitting me as he led me to the bedroom where he stripped me and threw me on the bed. Warmth flowed over me as he finished, still his wife.
We rolled apart and I went into a deep sleep. In the morning, he again hopped on me, finished in a frenzy of ownership declaration then grilled me after. I avoided answers as best I could, talked about an imaginary book discussed, suggested we see the movie, let him assume there was no sex by evading confirmation and let him fill in the blanks. After grilling, I admitted to cheek peck kiss on departure from his place which surprised me and said I wasn’t seeing him again, I said. When asked if we used a condom I replied.
"What an insult. I didn’t want him to touch me. If we were going to do it I would but didn’t because we didn’t!"
This caused me to remember the condom in my purse. I pretended to go to the bathroom and put it back in its little packet. I tore the other 2 foils apart so it looked like all 3 were separated pleased I didn’t need to cover for a missing one.
The next week I bought a fish tank for the family room, got some guppies and a little frog and convinced my husband to change his hair style and comb it straight back. His inquiries abated in our morning and afternoon hand offs of kids but he remained suspicious.
I had to re-establish a “girl’s night out” routine for cover. The next Saturday, in the morning I casually said the girls at work wanted me to go bowling. Hubby had no objection. After dinner, I announced I was going bowling. We argued but I reminded him I’d already told him I was bowling with girls from work and he wanted me to socialize. He watched from the kitchen window again as I hurriedly backed the car out. I was out of control.
At Edward's, he walked me to his garage parking spot and I finally rode in his Porsche. Learning I could shift gears he let me drive to Sunnyvale Bowling Alley. In the driver’s seat, the car surged with power and leaped forward each time fondled the floor shift knob and changed gears. My peasant, silken, mini dress rode up my thighs seated in the bucket seat as my open toed 3-inch pumps worked the clutch, gas and brake pedals. The car reeked sex. I loved it. It made me feel sexy.
Why bowl? Let’s race back and hump on the bed. God, I love shifting theser gears, even down shifting.
He was a good bowler and tried to improve my game but to no avail. I only enjoyed his holding me to guide my arm for tossing the ball but was nervous of being seen with him and glanced about but recognized no one. Despite the unease of being seen with him I became at ease being with him.
After bowling he introduced me to sushi and sake. At his apartment, after a glass of pinot wine, I led him to the bedroom, undressed him and rode him as Porsche.
Afterwars I showered but kept my hair dry and returned home with a full goodbye kiss at my car door. He squeezed my buttocks and opened the door for me. Driving home on the El Camino Real in my sedate white banana my mind was confused. I felt elated yet guilty. I still wanted my family and the safety of home. What was I doing driving home at 1 AM from a sex romp?
At home, the grilling began but I deflected questions by innocent admissions such as having eaten sushi but with the "girls". His inquiry soon ended as I was led again to bed for sex and then left alone for deep sleep. When I awoke late Sunday morning I realized it was too late to visit our parents. Edward was already disrupting my family pattern.
It was okay. I was in love, so I, thought. I never went swinging. Well I did but my husband didn’t.
Author Notes: Infidelity starts to stress her marriage.