It was just after half past three at noon
when a cry pierced my lobe
I turned around and ran to hid behind the poles
Sitting in the Paeds department hyperventilating
I found myself transported back to mine old news
Where I had dropped down on ground and had screamed my heart out
With my hand shaking and eyes on drought
That pain was sharp and loud
I did feel my core being ripped out
And everything rest was less pronounced
As they had wheeled her out
All I could think was how can this happen so early and now
What about me?
How can Lord be this mean?
My world had stopped since
I was caged in a heartbreak and laugh less scene
with each day as a sin
And me wondering ‘when will happiness begin?’
Couple of moons have gone by in between
And yet I couldn’t stop myself from melting down
On hearing that exact sound
that scream and emptiness pouring down
My tears found their own vows
Hugging me in a shell of their aching sound
I spent heavily to come out
went and roam around
And when the night fell
I didn’t feel that solace around
So a fresh stream broke again
loose from my cheeks
and once again I screamed
hiding inside my room
My puffy eyes and nose red tinged
I couldn’t breathe or think
all I knew was - She is for ever gone
I’m scared what if I can’t remember her voice
her anger and all our disagreements
her warm hugs and her nth number of calls
Nothing will ever be same
And it seems I’m doomed
After all she was my only parent
And now , she was never going to be around.
Author Notes: Grief. Loss. It never ends. They say there are five stages of grief. I have gone through It all. And still I find myself where I was just at the start. It’s said, time heals. So here I’m waiting for that time to heal me. To heal me so that I can live my remaining time with little bit of joy. And it seems that time is never coming.
The funny thing about my heart is that the moment i let it open, the pain climbs in and steals away my peace. This realisation sends chills to me because honestly all i wanna do is let my heart out open and breathe with no fear of grief walking in like a thief.
Dear heart -
Calm down. I am gonna keep you underground. And if we both get lucky, perhaps someone will come and dig us out.
Love.
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India • 32 years old