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Just Go

Just Go

KaleighishappyKat
2 Reviews

"I can't believe you!" She screamed.

Her face was getting red now, her fists clenched at her sides. You could almost see the fire of hate inside her eyes.

"Well, what did you expect? You married me, me of all people, and expected me to be-"

"To be loyal!" She interrupted , screaming so loud it caught in her throat. "To be there for me - for our son! But you're never here!"

He crossed his arms and leaned his back against the hallway wall. "I never meant for it to end this way,"

"Oh, darn me, you're just ending it?" She shook her head, frizzy hair bouncing. "I can't believe you. I can't even look at you. Just go!"

The little boy clutched his blanket in his arms as he watched from the small apartment's stairway. He barely understood what the fight was about, but knew that he might as well have something to do with it. Guilt bubbled in his stomach. His eyes watered.

"Mommy?" He asked softly, calling for his parents attention.

The mother's eyes widened. "Oh, honey-"

"Mommy," the little boy swallowed. "I can go instead,"

The father shook his head. "That's not how it works, son."

The mother gathered her son in her arms, tucking some hair behind his ear. "Don't worry about us," she said softly, tears in her eyes. "You're not going anywhere,"

"But what about you? What about daddy?"

The mother sighed. "We don't know yet, we don't know,"

Author Notes: Just a random sad story that I thought up... review if you like it!

Recommend Reviews (2) Write a Review Report
About The Author
Kaleighishappy
Kat
About This Story
Audience:
12+
Posted:
27 Dec, 2016
Genre:
Tragedy
Type:
Sad
Words:
246
Favorites:
0
Views:
515

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Just Go Reviews

2 reviews have given an average rating of 4.5 out of 5 Stars
lemonslice
lemonslice gave a rating of 4

This is an awesome little vignette. What I liked about it was the level of emotions you managed to pack into short space.

Think about two things when you write short fiction like this:

* Dialogue punctuation.
* What POV are you writing from?

15 Jan, 2017 1
Kat
Kat - 15 Jan, 2017
Thanks! I appreciate the feedback and help! It's hard to find someone who will actually judge your story.
apemann
Apemann gave a rating of 5

THIS is my kind of writing!

I love the way you get straight into the heart of the story, your characters coming to life through their words and actions. It's not over-embellished or described or padded-out with superfluous prose.

In my opinion, your story ends just where it needs to end: without a resolution or any answers. You leave those questions for your reader to figure out. THAT is good story-telling.

Without doubt, your best piece so far. Congratulations.

2 Jan, 2017 1
Kat
Kat - 2 Jan, 2017
Thank you so much! I will work on making my stories more feeling - like this one. The feedback helps a lot.

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