Just Not Today

Surely if you wanted to cause this much pain,
There were better ways.
If your goal was to break us all,
Or to bring us empty, wretched days.

Surely you could have chosen another path,
If you wanted to break our heart.
Something less permanent, perhaps,
Or something that wouldn’t leave us torn apart.

If your goal was freedom,
It came at the price of us.
But surely there was a better way;
One where you didn’t have to ruin us.

Perhaps it makes our family selfish,
That we didn't support what you thought was freedom.
Yet now we sit here, all alone.
Shattered in our glass kingdom.

We miss you, I suppose.
Although it seems you won’t miss much.
Just a decrepit family trying to survive,
Longing for your touch.

Surely if you wanted to tear us asunder,
You didn’t need to pay the price with blood.
I guess we didn’t mean enough to you,
Though my guesses are as clear as mud.

See,
When you killed yourself?
You didn’t even leave a note.
See,
When you killed yourself?
I guess “that was all she wrote.”

Naturally we blamed ourselves.
Naturally we blamed eachother.
Naturally we split apart.
Naturally we couldn’t stay together.
How could we?
When every time we looked at another,
We saw only you,
And the fact that you were gone forever.

It seems so fucking real,
That you’ve gone so far away.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel,
I’m just tired in a broken sort of way.
I have no hopes that we’ll ever heal,
And I suppose that's okay.
I just… I miss you more than I can say,
Maybe tomorrow I'll forgive you,
But I just can't today.

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