I fall to the floor with the razor in my hand. My arms bleeding, my head pounding, my thoughts leaving my mind. I just lay there, bleeding on the floor, crying, wanting
to end it everyday and everynight.
It's just a typical night by the way. A typical night of crying, bleeding, hurting. A typical night where no one notices the fact that i'm in the bathroom for hours at a time,
bleeding. They don't care, they never have.
But this time is different. This time i'm not just laying there bleeding on MY bathroom floor. I'm laying here bleeding on HIS bathrom floor.
"Oh shit." I whisper. I have just cut too deep. Deep enough for me to bleed out maybe? Hopefully. I pass out due to the deep cut I inflicted on myself. Hours later I am
awakened by the sounds of sierens. I look around and i'm in an ambulence, a very uncomfortable one at that. But why do I even CARE I if I'm comfortable?
I look around and see him, with his brown hair over one eye, the black eye, the eye that his very own father had hit him in. Oh how I hate his father. He is crying. He
doesn't know that i'm awake but I can't move or talk at all. I am parilized. My eyes are the only things that can move but no one notices that they are opened. No one EVER
When we finally arrive at the hospital I feel kind of relieved. They take me out of the ambulence and take me to my room. He follows. I can hear him in the background
always asking "Will she be alright?" or "Is she alive?" The answer to these questions are always "lets just wait and see" or "I can't ganrentee anything." This doesn't look too
good, well not to him at least...
I'm in the hospital bed just laying there, while he is crying and saying all sorts of things. He keeps saying that he's sorry that he didn't check on me sooner and that it
is his fault and he had a feeling that something was wrong but didn't check and feels like an idiot for it. He says he loves me with all his heart??? I'm confused and want to ask
him and say something but can't. I can't speak but even if I could I wouldn't be able to speak, I have no idea what I would say to him. I blame myself for this, cause it IS my fault,
not his and I wish I could make him relize that it's not. If I die here tonight I don't want him to think this was all his fault, I mean it wasn't but I couldn't help cutting. It was just an
urge in me that told me to like it was just a typical night, right?
I open my eyes more to get him to notice that i'm awake. He looks at me and has an instinet smile on his face. He thinks i'm ok and will live but I can feel me slowly
dying inside and out. I feel me getting weaker and weaker. I am scared. I start to cry and he doesn't know why, he doesn't know why i'm crying. He thinks that i'm going to live
and be ok. He thinks I will get better and be happy again, I only wish. But he doesn't know that I wanted to die before. He doesn't know how much I hurt inside everyday. I was
relieved when I thought I was going to die, but now that I only have seconds left, I relized I don't want to die, I WANT to live, but it is too late.
I say just seconds before i'm gone "I'm sorry Jason, this wasn't your fault and I love you too."
My eyes close,I see nothing and forget everything, except for his face.