look bro
i know
i never told you what was going on with me
but inside i was seething
when you were talking crap
"teenage girls never have mental illness
they just want attention"
"Most people who say they have anxiety and depression are faking for attention"
that is not how is.
well guess what
im a teenage girl
who struggles with depression
and is trying to learn to not shut everyone out
that its okay to open up
be vulnerable
to say "i struggle with depression."
the thing you don't realize
is that depression isn't for attention
we don't want to tell people
we want people to notice us and not at the same time
we perfect our masks so no one sees
the pain
the darkness we live in
just cause i smile and laugh
doesn't mean everything's fine
cause, bro
have you ever wanted to die?
but you know you can't kill yourself
cause you can't do that to your already grieving family
cause you're scared you might go to hell
so you just hope that a car hits you
or something like that
have you ever had to make a list
of reasons why you should live
to motivate yourself
and it took you a painfully long time to find ten
have you ever been unable to do something
because every time you tried, you were mentally paralyzed
enormously overwhelmed
having panic attacks
and hiding this from everyone
everyone.
trying to connect to a mental health helpline chat not because you were about to shoot, but just because you wanted to die
and wait for an hour
and no one gets connected
and then mom comes home
and you have to pretend you weren't just having a panic attack
and then after a while, it starts to get somewhat better
but just when you think things are fine
anxiety comes back
the darkness comes out
and you're just thinking
everyone hates me
im an awful person and an awful friend
no one actually wants to be my friend
im always on the outside
then its time for dinner
and you wipe your tears away
and try to pretend everything's fine
but they can tell it's not
and so they push
and push
and push
cause they really don't understand when you just want to be left alone
Have you experienced that?
Cause that's my life
And it has been for almost a year
So don't say mental illness is for attention
It's not.
Talk to dad
Talk to me
And you'll see how it really is.
And you need to learn to be sensitive
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