I am aware that you are unable to red my letters anymore, but i am hoping that you will reach down from heaven and help me through this tough time. You obviously know what happened to you but i feel like i need to write it down.
It was a car crash. Some stupid drunk driver, way past the legal limit, taking the risk to drive when he was in absolutely no state to. you crashed head on. The paramedics said that you were unconscious when they found you, but still alive. You had a punctured lung, and a broken neck. They took you into surgery for four hours, trying to save you. At first it worked. You were ok. Redponding to the drugs they gave you. the next day though, i went to see you and suddenly the beeping machine grew louder. i called for help, but the nurses couldn't resuscitate you.
You died that day. Only 17 years of age, your license a week or two old.
The thing is. i am scared now. scared to walk the streets. scared to drive, to get the bus. scared to go to school in case another stupid drunk driver gets in my way. i just wish the whole thing hadn't happened. that you were still here with me. that we could study together. Graduate. Go to each other's wedding as bridesmaids. that will never happen.
I love you forever....
Wait, no i have more to say. i have to say it. last week i tried to end it all. that medication that mumhas for her migraines, i took them all. Mum says i nearly died, i was rushed to hospital in an ambulance where they gave me a blood transfusion and had my stomach pumped. I only got back yeaterday. I am still weak. But the thing is, i still want to end it. i don't want to live any more. Life isn't worth living.
I want to call you. You are the one i call when i need help. I look at the suicide pamphlets the doctors gave me. I have a meeting with the psychiatrist tomorrow. I don't want this. I look from leaflet to knife. leaflet to knife. I have to chooses the knife.
I have to die.
All my love,
Your sister now and forever,