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By Tohkou-Sama

Let's just take things seriously here. We all know you have some sort of life like this, something people were to understand. I am gla that I had the courage to finally post some scraps of my life in internet. I am, after all, glad...

It's simple, really. A bubbly, energetic high school girl could definetely understand this. Born in a normal family, having a great sister to be with, and a life that every people would want.

But they thought it is easy, to pretend to be the person you are not, to be judged by the person you are not, and I hate it.

So to start off, I was actually sensitive. I don't like being ignored. That way, it automatically makes me think that I'm...abandoned. I came to the conclusion that everytime I talk, no one listens. But I don't mind, at all. They tend fail to fail listening to me, but I guess that's getting too much.

I am not the person I was outside. I pretend to be immature, childish, and clean. Where in fact that I was impure, boring, snobbish, and I do feel uncaring at times. I hated being judged for being me, but what I hated the most, is that I'm judged by the mask I was wearing the whole time.

Call me emo, because that's what I am inside. I am not intelligent, nor a good friend to be with. I do somehow worry what would happen.

I tried to be the best, but I fail. I was impatient, impatient to wait something good will happen. I've done shitty things with my life, and that's what they're always going to remember and to never forget.

Everyone says I am beautiful, that I look like my sister. That wondered me, am I only beautiful because I looked like my older sister? Don't I have my own beauty? Am I based off of her appearance, as well?

Am i really...beautiful?

"Yes, my dear." My father told me, "You have your own beauty, you have the beauty inside of you, and that's what all that matters."

I almost, literally, cried. The feeling of being cared, whether be family or not, touched me. After all that, I believed that everyone loved me.

Because I was fake, through me in person.

And that's just like that, I would never think of myself as worthless, but useless at the same time. I can't do anything, good or bad, at all. I am weak.

Weak, as how a person was crushed brutally by some crusher.

I was so confused. Death always happens everyday, the things I expected never happens, the thought of being not-seen zone, crime takes place everywhere, conversations that would end quickly with just two sentences, the animes I watched, the books I read defining love and life, my imaginations that aren't realistic, Algebra, and fuck... I was curious about everything.

If this is one thing that I will live my entire life, then I'll believe...that time will come to save my well-being.

If anyone likes me in my form of being light rather than being dark, then I'll do it, for the sake of others. I will pretend, even if thid would take forever...

Besides, I do believe that I'll change in another time, another day, another month, another year, another eternity...

Even if that goes on forever... I'll be patient.

I'll be waiting...

To finally wake up...

Author Notes: Just a bit of my life...

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25 Oct, 2014
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