Life Is Too Much

Imagine you're in a room. No, more like on a stage? No, it’s an infinite room. That's life. It has stuff in it, which represents things that one does. Where things are changes fairly frequently, depending on the options that you have. You might go to sleep with a sketchbook nearby, but when you wake up it might be a mile away.

For me, it's dark. Not pitch black, but I can only see about ten feet in front of me. Usually, I'm not scared because I have some form of furniture behind me, such as a bed, the chair from the living room, etc. Sometimes I walk away from the furniture, and then it's dark, I'm alone, and I can't see anything. I get scared and run until I find furniture again. Sometimes, I wake up and the furniture is gone, for one reason or another. People are always telling me to move away from the furniture.

Sometimes, it's kinda foggy, but mostly that just makes me sit there, doing just about nothing, with or without furniture.

There’s almost always sound, which is just the sound that’s around me in real life. I like to fill the void, but sometimes music fills it wrong, hence why I’ll randomly tell people I need background noise. It’s very distressing to not have noise.

On the other hand, an unexpected event can be a noise, like an alarm or car horn, or a loud song. The event is typically something like being told I’m going to the store with someone, or someone is coming over, or we’re going somewhere, etc. Essentially unexpected plans. Startling, but manageable, and not necessarily unpleasant.
It can also be a light, flashing somewhere in the distance. This is where the stage analogy comes in handy. All the stage lights are flashing rapidly, like the distress signal mode on a flashlight. The lights are horrible, makes me want to keep my eyes closed, to hide away. Usually, the lights are for things like an unexpected meeting/appointment, or a task I need to do, generally involving other people.

Sometimes it’s both. This is when I’m in a bit of sensory overload, not wanting to be around people and yet people are there, or doctor/dentist appointments. Stage lights, and a loud song which typically sounds more like screaming. Actually, it might just be screaming. Or static. Not sure, but it’s loud and upsetting. In times like these, I want to hide and block everything out. Sometimes I run, because if I could just get out of the room.. Sometimes it’s too much and I just curl up.

On rare occasions, I’ll wake up and it’s not dark anymore, or it’s not as dark. Doesn’t happen frequently, but when it does I run around looking at stuff until it gets dark again. The next couple days are usually very dark after that.

Author Notes: I wrote this a while ago, just about how life is too much in the day to day. I don't know if it makes sense to anyone else, but here it is anyway.

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