I wait for a few minutes after getting onto the bus and then I look at my phone. No texts. I am used to this happening, but I needed to talk to someone.
I call Tayle and wait. Finally, she answered.
“What is it?” She sounds annoyed.
“Sorry, I meant to call someone else.” I lie. no one wants to be my friend anymore.
I hang up before she can say anything. A few kids in the seat in front of me had turned to watch me. I pretend to ignore them and I start tapping the screen as if I was texting or posting something on social media and the turned back around in their seats.
I am so embarrassed. I’m never going to call someone on the bus again.
Finally, the bus arrives at school and I do my best to stay out of peoples way. I get to my locker and open it. 1-2-4-9, click. I pull the lock off my locker and pull out my notebooks, trying not to let anything fall out of my binder.
I walk to math and sit at my desk in the back of the room. I pull out my school Chromebook and put in earphones. I want to be ignored. I go to YouTube and go to Endlesslycrazy’s youtube page. I love her stuff, everything a Voltron/Percy Jackson/ Dr. who fangirl would need. I watch her latest speedpaint as class starts.
I stand up to say the pledge of allegiance than I sit and ignore everything happening around me. I watch Voltron edits and fans going on and on about how awful Rick’s Percy Jackson art is and how fanart was way better.
When the bell rings I stand up and put away my Chromebook. I look at my phone, but no one has sent me a text. I go to Science and do the same things I did in math, Only looking up to copy the notes the teacher writes on the board.
The bell rings again and I make my way to History. I do the same as I did in my previous classes, watched my favorite actors in their best scenes and more Voltron edits, Panic at the Disco blasting in my ears. Still no texts.
When the class came to an end Mrs. Henry asked me to come to her desk. I walked up and Mrs. Henry smiled at me.
“What do you need?”
“I need to talk to you, Monica. Are you okay? You’ve been acting strange the past weeks.”
I didn't answer.
“Monica, lately ignored your teachers, haven't eaten lunch, and your grades are going down. What's the matter?”
The truth was that I was lonely. I was distracting myself from the pain of being alone.
“Nothings wrong, thanks for the concern.” I left before Mrs. Henry could say anything.
That night I stayed awake for hours. I looked at fanart and watched funny videos. Nothing could cover the loneliness anymore. Once upon a time, I would just watch a cute video of my OPT (Lotora if you have to know) Being cute together and attacking each other (long story) or a video of dumb cats jumping into the wall to cheer myself up. Now, none of that stuff worked anymore.
I finally gave up and turned off the lights, pulling my dog, Matt, into the blankets with me. My only friend. An overgrown Pomeranian.
The next day was normal. Watching videos and watching for texts that would never come. When I got home no one was there.
I walked into the kitchen and sat on the table. There was a chef knife lying on a cutting board next to me and I stared at it. It could all end right now. I wouldn't need to deal with the loneliness anymore. It could all end. I picked it up and my phone vibrated, causing me to drop the knife onto the floor.
I pulled out my phone with shaking hands and looked at the screen.
Was this really happening?
Me: Who is this?
(234)345-324: Travis. I go to school with you.
Me: What do you want?
Travis: To talk with you.
Travis: I live across the street from you. Do you want to come over? My sister just made cookies.
I couldn't believe this was happening. Was this real?
Me: Sure. Just a sec.
I texted my mom that I wouldn't be home and I got off the table. I looked to the floor at the knife. I picked it up with two fingers and tossed it into the sink.
I had a great time at Travis house. We played video games and ate cookies with his sister Candice until my mom texted me for dinner. We hung out a lot after that. I often called him a lifesaver. I don't think he ever realized how true that was. I still felt alone a lot. But I had Travis and his older sister to help me when I was alone.
I'm glad I didn't take my life that day. But I would have if one boy hadn't spoken up and tried to be my friend. That's all it took. One normal boy. My lifesaver.
Author Notes: One conversation, one text, one hello, could save someone. Don't forget anyone.