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Light Weight, by Dr. Philbilly

Light Weight, by Dr. Philbilly

By DrPhilbilly

My work requires me to travel quite a bit and I spend a lot of time in hotels many months at a time. I recently left Connecticut and just arrived at my new job location in Vermont. Getting use to a new hotel can take a little while. The first few days you tend to wake up in the middle of the night not really quite sure where you are.

Well last night I woke up somewhere around 2 in the morning to go to the bathroom. I'm surprised that I even found it without incident but I should have known it was too good to last.

I exited the bathroom in nothing but my Tweety Bird boxers, took a right turn when I should have took a left and found myself face to face with an intruder about 5ft tall. We were eye to eye and nose to nose.

My killer instinct kicked in and without even thinking I connected with a powerful uppercut followed by a vicious elbow to the throat. I felt a fist dot both my eyes with two quick rabbit punches. This little sucker was fast but it did nothing but tick me the heck off. It was dark so I had to depend on nothing but the anticipation of what my attacker may do next.

I relied on action and reaction, the will to survive and my 6 weeks of Kung Fu training from 15 years ago. I dropped to my knees and buried my shoulder deep into my attacker's midsection taking him to the ground. We rolled around for what seemed like an hour with knees and elbows flying. I was on top of him one minute then he was on top of me the next. The struggle was wearing me down but I was determined to live.

He even tried to choke me out with an electrical cord but eventually I freed myself and got him trapped in a figure four leg lock, and I showed him no mercy. I put everything that I had into it and he couldn't move a muscle. I had one of his skinny legs wrapped up tighter than a skeeters butt in a nose dive. With nothing but one elbow I crawled to the wall next to me and felt up for the light switch. As I heard the click of the wall switch he shines a blright light square in my face temprarily blinding me.

I never released my grip on him but as my vision slowly returned I realized that I had just skillfully distributed a world class butt woopin' to a 5ft tall floor lamp. The worse part of the whole thing is that apparently during the struggle I punched myself in both eyes and tried to strangle myself with the lamp cord.

I put up one heck of a fight with myself but at least I won, he was by the way just a "LIGHT" weight... I'm just sayin'!

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29 Sep, 2013
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