Lost Boy

I'm a lost boy who's looking for myself, looking for an answer to my question. Okay it's start when my family stop caring about me, put a cursed on me, put a shame on me and hates me.

I find it hard to love other people, because I met too many different kinds of people. The one that I gave my all, so she wouldn’t leave. I met the one who fed me with her sweet words and lies. The one who says they care but didn’t. A friend I considered as family but didn’t know I would be stabbed in the back. And last was the one I started to dream with, the one I thought would mend my broken heart but shattered it instead.

I started wondering, why is this happening to me? Why did God do this to me? Why me and not the other people instead? Why me, the one who idolized him the most? Why me, the one who devoted to Jesus as my only God? I started to think. Is it me who only needs God when I’m sick? When I’m hurt? When my heart is broken? When I don’t know the answers to my never-ending questions? Or is it just me, who blames him for what’s happening in my life? Blaming him for what I’ve done.

But still I didn't get the answers that i need in this life, I didn't know what love truly means and I started not to trust him and people around me I start hugging my own darkness. I start lossing myself even more, I created my own world that no one could enter. Where no one can hurt my feelings, Where my feelings will never be played, No one laugh at me cuz no one knew what I feel and that I believe that no one can hug me in the dark; I guess true love never exist.

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