I don’t know how I feel anymore, or maybe it’s that I don’t know how to feel anymore. I question every move I make, every breath I take, and every flutter of my eye lids.
There will always be that one weak moment when I stare at myself in the mirror and think about how I've been trying to stay strong and composed throughout the heartbreak.
Building this fake wall of smiles and “I'm fine” is no longer effective. So I just cry and cry and scream inwards, then wipe my tears away before anyone could see it.
I want to hug someone so badly but that someone is the reason why I'm a mess. So I just hug myself instead while curled up on the floor, reciting the usual mantra: “I'm good”, “It's okay”, “I can do this” and “today is another day”.
I have to gather my shit together, smile at my reflection and face the world again as my fragile heart is haemorrhaging.
You either didn’t think of me or you thought of me but just didn’t care.
And I can’t decide which is worse.