I didn't get to pull the trigger . I was looking around and trying to take in the scenery one last time because it was one of those sunny clear blue days that you are usually glad you don't have to work on. I was not glad today, i was suisidal and a little bit mad. My shrink always said i was mad, she would say "Erick, try to understand "the person you are living in" before understanding others" it was that know it all takl that really pissed me off. I don't really know where I stand on the road anymore. I mean, all I am trying to do is kill myself . I am in my front yard since I live in the country side and didn't want to rot up the house with a dead body that people may never find. The voice in my head had long since quit trying to talk me out of it. I knew that my decision was resolute. I have with me a gun, ready to do it. I had stopped shaking long before. My tears had run out. Anyway, back to the story, I didnt get to pull the trigger because something fell into my yard from the sky. I was either really scared or really shocked, but I couldn't move straigh away either way. The ball unraveled as it hit the groud and to my horror it was a bird, a magpie to be percise. It took several seconds for the shock to kick in before i ran over to the bird and scooped it into my hands. its chest was rising and falling rapidly but it was not dead. I stood up and carried the poor creature into the conservatory, leaving behind me the siver gun on the ground where it glinted in the sun.
I quickly wrapped the battered bird in a blue towel and put it on my coffee table nexto the fire that was out. I cupped the magpie in my hands feeling for any broken bones, but there seemed to be none. The bird looked up at me then, i could see my reflection in its beedie black eyes. "Hey, arnt you susposed to be afrade of me?" i said, then scorned myself for being so stupid. of coure it is afrade of you. To my surprise the bird shook its head from side to side like a human would, it seemed the magpie was saying "no". I tried to recall any facts about magpies, but a secret part of me was hoping that the bird did truley know what i was saying and could understand but that would just made me an even gayer young man, i wonder if it thaught that too.
Two hours passed as i sat beside the bird stroking the blue towel and wispering every part of my soul to the unfrotunate creature. As the lat word "I wanna die." left my lips i had the most overwelming feeling that everything was going to be alright, it was then i noticed the bird was stairing into my blue eyes. I saw my reflection ther in the black pin holes a mess of tears and brown curls. It wa silent then, until the bird spoke.
Yes the bird spoke, human, english, to me.
"dont you ever try to kill yourself again."
I screamed and fell off the stool i was perched on, the bird flapped and wriggeled out of the towel, standing on the edge od the tabe, its claws clutching the wooden lip it staird down at me qwivering wide eyed on the floor. "WHAT THE FUCK" i screamed as i staired at the creature.
"You heard me, erick" it said.
The magpie spoke! again! and it didnt even act shocked or aknolege i would be freaked out. Well what can i expect, after all i am mad right? It was all to much everything went into a massive blur as i passed out on the kitchen floor.
I awoke with a heavy weight on my chest, what happend? it was dailight and my head hurt. opening my eyes i looked down at my to see the magpie i rescued yesterday purched on my chest, and froze.
It was looking at me cocking its small head from side to side.
"i can still talk erick"
Shit. so i really am mad. this cant be for real. A magpie? I mean, a parrot is normal, but a magpie?
"you are not mad erick, its true i can talk, you are not going mad...ok?" the bird said again.
".......OK" i reasured myself but i was still uncertian.
"what? why are you here why can you talk? do you have a name?" i was filled with questions.
"I can only awnser some of thoe questions. you need to take me to the vet, i will tell you in the car."
the magpie wants the vet? car?. Oh, oh fuck if i take a talking magpie to a vet they will kill or expose it. why dose it want a vet anyway?
I was still on the floor when the doorbel rang 10 seconds later. The magpie cocked its head.
"That will be the vet".
I shakly got up and caussly edged towards the front door. the bird followed landing on my sholder, befor i could protest i had already opend the door. As if there wasn't enough weird things happening around me already-. I opend the door and there stood a tall, young man with very light brown eyes, almost bordering on gold. It was frankly freaking me out. He took one look at the magpie purched on my sholder, beamed and started talking to him as if to a long lost buddy. For a moment, I was afraid he really was a lost owner, and that he would take the magpie i had told everythin to away from me. But as the minutes past, I got seriously miffed, especially when that guy started jabbering to the bird in some weird language, which I'm not even sure exists. I mean, I never heard anything like it before. Finally, when I was about to simply grab the bird and shut the door, the guy looked up as if seeing me for the first time and told me to wait a sec. He then pushed two little packets into my hands.
"This," he tapped the red one "is Dr. Channing's prescription. One pill, three times a day, for four days. This," he touched the white, logo-less packet "is…your magpies prescription." At my blank look, he elaborated "he asked me for it. Frankly, I wouldn't have given it to the old rogue. I really don't see why he would wish to do it for…" the magpie cawked warningly and the guy shut up after giving him a quick glance. "anyway, he overrules me." He rolled his eyes. "It's three pills. Give it to him when he…asks for them…" Fine. Okay. Whatever. "Take care of yourself rogue. Don't…take them too quick." And with that final, soft-spoken command, the guy walked away, leaving me standing open-mouthed in the middle of the doorway.
"So your a he? will you tell me your name?" I said out of intrest intrest.
"yes, its morrigan, as in crying at a funeral. now pleas give me a pill"
I took one packet out, I of course brought out the wrong one. I gave him one of the doctor' pill, dissolved in milk as instructed on the package, then walked into the living room and sat on the floor with my back against the couch and faced Morrigan.
"Okay, so you asked him for those, although I haven't heard you talk to him. What is this…some kind of bird-viagra?" I burst into laughter, rolling on the floor at my own crazy joke, but Morrigan didn't seem too amused. Instead, motianed fir me to dish thrm out with a nod of his head.
"All of them?" he noded. "Do I dissolve them in milk too?" "no" I looked at him suspiciously before shrugging. "Fine. I hope you know what you're doing pal." I glanced at my watch. "The vet just closed. if you are on the verge of death, you'll have to live with it until Monday morning, you hear me?" why wasn't I surprised when he dipped his head in a nod? I sighed and poured the contents of the second package into his empty food bowl. he immediately hopped to it, peacking one white pill, swallowed it and made a face. If it tasted that bad, why was he so intent on eating that stuff? I didn't have much time to wonder what it could have been for when Morrigan started to tremble. At first, I thought he had ruffle his feathers, but then realized that no, it was a violent jerk. And he continued to shake. Damn, was this some kind of bad chemistry between the two types of pills? Shit. And as I had told him not two minutes ago, the vet had just closed.
"Hey, Morrigan, maybe you shouldn't take the rest of those…" I began, but stopped short at the pained look he gave me. He was trembling so hard now that he had to sit down . Before I could take his bowl away, the idiot swallowed another pill…and cawked in pain. What the hell!!? He shrank into a ball and shook as if someone had grabbed him by the wings. It scared me. A lot. And I didn't know what to do. Well, nothing except take the last pill away from him before he became catatonic. I lunged toward him and managed to grab his "medicine" first. But I didn't know he had enough strength left to pounce on me, and for the first time, with claw extended, to hurt. I felt him score on my cheek and I let the pill out of my hand in shock. He was on it faster than I, and it too followed the path of the previous two, as I sat on my ass and stared at him in astonishment. This time, he didn't even roll into a ball but simply lay where he fell, wracked with convulsions. His cawing was barely audible. With a sob, I picked him up and hugged him to my chest. I was so afraid to lose him. Oh god. I didn't even want to think about it. Fuck.
"I'm so sorry Morrigan. I really am. I swear I won't do it again. But please, come back…Morrigan…please…don't leave, okay? …" I knew I was babbling and looked more than stupid talking to a bird, but I couldn't care less. he was sick. I realized that in the passed five houres that i loved the little devil and I never told him how much he meant to me. Now, he was unconscious in my arms, and I couldn't do anything about it.
I didn't want him to go away. He was the only one who could help me live through my depression, but even if he hadn't, I still considered him my best friend. As I talked to him, his trembling subsided, until he finally became limp, and still unconscious. I only hopped that in his semi-sleep, he at least was free of pain.
I somehow didn't feel like going back to daily tasks; that would have meant that everything was fine. But it wasn't. so I laid on the couch, with Morning cradled in my arms, promising myself to keep watch over him.
The what!? Oh yea...I fell asleep on the couch. Again. And I'll be sore all day. Damn. What the heck did I eat yesterday? There was a heavy weight sitting on my stomach again and I only hopped I didn't have indigestion. Perhaps I was sick? It was hot in here. Did the thermostat break or something? And whythe heck wasn't I lying on my bed?...Only then did it all come back."Morrigan!" and my eyes flew open...to stare into the black ones of my bird...except that he wasn't a bird anymore.
I screamed and rolled off the couch, bringing him down with me since he had been what was lying on me. I thumped rather painfully against the floor, squealed, and scuttled backward away from him as fast as I could. Him. I stared at his long, straight black hair, his pale face, his black lightweight sweater, his black pants, and his pale, bare feet. My gaze wandered back up to his eyes. Those were still the same, silted eyes of a bird. The eyes of Morrigan. But...this wasn't him. Not as I had known him. This was... a guy. A very handsome, and rather sick looking guy. And did I mention that so was i? a guy I mean. Handsome, I don't know. Depends on your personal preferences. Sick? No, not really. Not yet anyway. Unless I really was sick and this was a really weird hallucination. But I mean, why would I dream about waking up with a cute guy on top of me? And a guy who used to be a bird I shook my head, but he didn't disappear.
"morrigan?" I tried softly, wondering if it would all go away in a puff of smoke. His eyes left the floor to look into mine.
"Yes," he whispered. His voice was a nice, deep . But that quality mostly didn't register. The morrigan who had scared the hell out of me yesterday evening, the bird who had turned into a human without asking my opinion about it. To say the least, as the shock wore off, I became pissed.
"What the fuck do you think you were doing!? I thought you were gonna die! And you better start explaining! Fast!" I yelled, my indignation and anger somewhat warped by the fact that I was still sprawled on the floor. He nodded and opened his mouth, but before he could utter a word, he became even paler, if possible and rushed out into the bathroom where I heard him retching his guts out. Damn. I followed him a little slower –as in a few milliseconds- and came upon him as he dry-heaved, as white as the toilet seat, and hanging onto it with his last dredges of strength. All my anger evaporated and I kneeled beside him, supporting his head and stroking his hair away from his face. A part of my mind took the time to notice how silky smooth his hair was. And so dark it was almost blue. Damn it. He is sick. And he's abird, was a bird. And he's a guy. And so are you! I half carried him half dragged him to my room where I laid him on the bed.
"Hey, err...can you take normal pills? I mean, are you more bird or more human?"
"I never really was a full bird. I'm not really human either, but yeah, that's pretty close." His voice was barely audible and his eyes were tightly shut.
"Uh, oh...okay. I'll get you some aspirin then." I helped him drink it, then stood fidgeting from one foot to the other.
"So, err...those pills yesterday...they were for ...this?"
"How did that guy know what to give you?"
"He is of my kind. For us, changes like this aren't common, but not unheard of either. I asked him to make the pills quite a while before, just in case."
"Aha," I said, although I was really confused. So I told him so. "I don't understand."
"Later, please," he pleaded. His eyes shone with sickness and his face was now flushed. I pressed the inside of my wrist against his forehead.
"You're burning up. And you're wearing a sweater," I stated exasperatedly then proceeded in pulling it off over his head. Hey, he wasmy cat, and it was my job to take care of him. His chest was milky white and smooth and I quickly wrenched my gaze away. "Are you wearing boxers?" a week node was my answer. His pants quickly followed hit top, then I bundled him under the covers, looking everywhere but at him. Then I put a cold compress on his forehead, gave him water to drink –so watching movies does serve a purpose after all- and sat down next to him again with a sigh. I wasn't really angry at him. Yeah, I yelled and acted like an ass, but...I was shocked, which was quite understandable under the circumstances, don't you think? I really did like him. Well, I liked him as a non talking bird. This new him was part of what was confusing me. Okay, so it was the whole of it. I didn't know how to make the transition between his two forms; I'm sure I couldn't act the same in front of him now. And, probably the biggest...problem...was that he was infernally cute. I've never felt this kind of attraction toward other guys. So my love life was practically none-existent, okay, but I wasn't a girlie type of guy if you know what I mean. Perhaps it was simple wonder when staring into the face of beauty, no matter what its kind. Yea, that was probably it. Humans are besotted with beauty, and stare at it for as long as they can. But...I had liked Morning as a cat. No, I loved him. Didn't I tell him so? I was beside myself when he had hurt himself. Even now, as I glanced at his sleeping form, there was a pang in my heart.
I sighed again and gazed aimlessly at the wall. My life had taken a 180 degree turn and I was driving a car with an opaque windshield. I had no damn idea what was about to happen. So when I felt the caress on my cheek, I yelped and brusquely turned to stare at him.
"Those," his long fingers traced a line from my ear to the corner of my mouth. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to mark you." What!? Ah. The claw marks. And what was I supposed to answer to that?
"Don't worry. It's fine."
"No, it's not." His voice picked up in volume although I could see it cost him a lot of strength so I laid my hand on his chest and gently pushed him back down onto the bed.
"No, it's not fine," he repeated in a whisper. "I was supposed to protect you, not hurt you further."
"You..." Okay, wow. Wait a minute. Or maybe a little more. That didn't go overly well with me. I liked my independence, thank you very much. That was one reason why I had gone to college so far away from my hometown. I clenched my hands to avoid strangling him, and scowled at the floor for a lack of anything better to do. I guess he got the gist of my feelings because he sighed and said "you needed a little help. Just a little push in the right direction." I felt his hands on my shoulder.
"Yea, more like a major kick in the ass," I spat bitterly, remembering all the times I had thought about suicide, and the times I had actually tried it. In hurting myself, I had hurt others too, and it made me feel ashamed and guilty. I hung my head as all the little accidents of the past two months –since the short time this bird boy came into my life- played in front of my eyes. He wrapped his arms around me, and I felt even worse. Damn it! I never used to cry before. I scrubbed at the tears angrily, but they came coming faster, and finally, I simply turned around in his embrace and sobbed into his shoulder, clinging to him and having nothing to grasp but feverishly hot skin. And all I could think was that now that he was human again, he would leave, and I would be left alone again. And that was the worst thought, that as soon as he got well enough, he would simply walk away because I was too much for him to handle, to much problems, to much of a stupid brat. But I couldn't keep him sick either. I just couldn't!
I knew he was talking to me, but I didn't hear a thing, only the soothing sound of his voice. But I didn't want to be soothed. Soothing meant that something else would happen, something that I probably wouldn't like. It was safer to keep crying. I hadn't counted on my strength suddenly running out however. There's only so much shock one person can take. With yesterday's accident and today's...transformation, I had come to the end of my rope. One second I was sobbing my heart out, the next I sagged against him, almost passing out. A fine picture we made as we fell back together onto the bed, him alternatively shivering with cold and radiating heat from fever, me with bloodshot eyes and a runny nose. But he kept his arms around me, and I snaked mine around him. Although it was early morning, we both fell asleep again.