my life

Standing here in the mrt feeling alone even though there was many people around me …I notice one of the passenger was looking at me , no , not looking but more of staring..He must be wondering why I was smiling or may be admiring who is this beautiful lady standing there all alone (just kidding) …telling myself then stop smiling..Stop , stop ,you are making a fool of yourself..Now not only him but few other passenger started to look too…inside my heart was saying, yeah keep staring …cause you people had nothing better to do sitting on your butt comfortable then scanning people who was standing…especially me..standing here, holding a pole and smiling like a psycho .ok , anyway why I smile…oh now I remember (don’t blame on the age sometime I forget why and how but blame it on everything but never on the age hahaha)
Today I felt like butterfly .wondering why…. Well my husband suppose to send me to the library national library at…….Hmm not so sure where was the location
Don’t think I never been there I’ve been there a few times , but always exactly In front of the library entrance..my hubby is a best chuffer he usually send and fetch me everywhere I want to go ,but it all depends on his unpredictable sugar level in his blood and time ..Meaning if it exceed 6.30 pm no sending no fetching no nothing….. Like Cinderella running away exactly at 12 midnight to 2 ugly sisters and a horrible step mum …. Nah , not my husband he has no ugly sister nor a step mum, but to his work . to the night work that he dedicated throughout our married life …lucky me ha….but not today due to the limited time …. well he did send me somewhere at bras basah rd… thinking that the big building in front , is the library building I walk hurriedly …as usually walk hurriedly is my style of walking. Getting tired soon after again not the because of the age… blame it on lack of exercise…..upon reaching the building I realised this is not the building…panic mode now…what the bloody @%$ …like a icing on the cake it started to rain cats and dogs…don’t panic don’t panic ….it’s ok it’s ok you are grown women …
“‘Excuse me (asking direction from the guard there) can u direct me to the taxi stand …
taxi stand ha ..You take the escalator and turn right… there you will see one “
ok , ok escalator where aaare you..found it…shock beyond words..phobia kicks in …wah lau so high ..Some say I have problem with height…(acrophobia)..They are wrong I just don’t like high open area … it just make me feel faint…nervous…palpitations nothing serious …thinking now …how to go… cause this is the only way up..wonder who is the fool design this building…..ok saw a young man walking towards the escalator good he is taking the escalator …follow him join him…. Missing my children now wish they or one of them was here with me now holding my hand as usually when we on the escalator…. now very close to the man….no , no , not to close …eyes close tightly now ..Why is the escalator move so slow?
.Excuse me .are you ok…
Eyes open try to smile..Not working.. yes , yes , just (ok need to confess and have to admit I afraid of height)that I have problem with high places…
oh …he smile widely …
without anymore words he move a little closer to me …feel safe now ..thank you allah for sending me an angel in human form to save me…reaching reaching…ok made it …
…are you lost.he ask…
Oh my god is it very obvious .silly woman…..
No , no , I’m going towards the taxi stand.
.oh , ok..Looking at me with puzzling gleam..
You sure u alright…
Yes thanks……...gee what’s wrong with this guy…. With the pouring rain and thunder and lighting now he looks like a devil with one horned in the middle of his head…still standing there not moving..Experience tell me just move away go save myself from his devilish stare (drama queen)
Taxi stand , taxi stand where are you….here you are …sign show 3 taxi only….but there no taxi just rows of lorry and van..Waited for about 10 minute..Wasted my time... no taxi in sight.
Due to heavy rain the whole stretch of the rood look dark an unfamiliar , really need to walk away from this place but if I walk I will be wet my seven layer makeup will be washed away due to all the rain water , cause as usually I never carry umbrella with me. Without makeup I will look like a witch without a broom.. But again with this kind of down pour no umbrella can do justice..Walking now , but slowly , no not because of tiredness but because I do not want to fall on my face...if the surface that I walk on is slippery my balancing encounter problem… why I wonder….. Surely not because again of the age… yes it’s the exercise that people like me are enemies with….now walking alone here I really regret making enemy with exercise…wet and cold walking along the pavement..i feel like a butterfly …you know butterfly with beautiful wings but do not know to fly…long long ago…like butterfly I also started as the caterpillar strong healthy full of life .,lived in a kampong house nice little house with big humongous family member… opps need to cross the road now ,,reaching a junction , .traffic light green …walk , walk ..Wet, wet. .Need to sit somewhere , ok saw Wendy’s...you know the fast food..Need to sit down badly. Here I sat with my hot tea and burger meal set , feeling alone again but this place not as bad ,it is comfortable and noiseless not like burger king at plaza sing too noisy with un discipline student in school uniform… ok where was i..oh big family….yes with grangparent.uncle,parent brother, sister, cousin all under one roof…happy no problem…eat play sleep best part of my lives..Like , or you can say similar like the caterpillar..Than the caterpillar turn to pupa..All wrap up lives stand still in fact I can say that the caterpillar has no personal life..that what happen to me…married when I was around 20 after few years of married , stop working why….so I can be a full time mother to my 3 wonderful children..this the job I have no complaint of…even this 3wonderful babies rob , oh no, not rob but take away my sleep ,beuty.my love life with my husband gone are the days going out with my friend.. my age ..cook clean homework not mine but my children…after many many wonderful years with them now they have grown up….even though I have no doctors lawyers or even engineer in my house like I dream when I first saw my babies faces but I have good loving children, who understand my world, my language who go all out to please me.
Now is the time for the pupa to turn to beautiful butterfly…like my live I have my so call wings like the butter fly…but today sitting here without my family I feel lost why you might ask I cannot answer you , now I can sleep whenever I want but I have insomnia can eat whatever I want ,I can’t , worry about my health....i can go where ever I wish but lost my way like today….must go back and unlearn the thing I learn during my pupa time and see the world as one I use to live in…..after enjoying my meal at Wendy’s and walking to the bras basah mrt station and on the mrt now I feel like a butterfly with nice colorful wings….but forgot how to fly…….

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