I came from quite a rich family. But as they say money does not buy happiness. I knew very little happiness since I was young. My family had several people working under us both in my house as well as in our workplace. My mother was a very wonderful person but very weak. She did not dare do anything against my father. My father had open affairs with other women; even bringing them home in front of mother. But my mother does not say anything. She was dying inside but she laughed outside for me. Everyone knew what happens in our house but no one questions my father.
Eric was the son of one of the employees. I knew him since I was 5 and he was 7. Eric’s father worked around the house and Eric was around a lot. There were not a lot of kids my age then and we became playmates. Eric gave me the love and care that my father did not bother to give me and that my mother was afraid to show me. He gave me a father’s affection, a mother’s love, a brother’s companionship and a little bit something more. I did not understand it then but he was everything to me. I would feel like something is missing without him and just seeing him would make me feel relieved. He taught me how to be happy. I will wake up each day anxious to see him and go to sleep with his face in mind. I slowly fell in love with him. Even now, I do not know when exactly I fell in love with him. It was all the little things he did, just for me that gradually made me love him. Once when my father beat me up bad, he cried for me. It touched me like nothing else could because all my life, no one ever cried for me; they only made me cry. Maybe that was when I fell in love with him, when I realized that someone cared about me enough to share my pain and sorrows, to cry for me. Later, he gave me the courage to console my mother, as she slowly broke down around me in her last years. Frankly, he was the only one keeping me sane. It was astounding how responsible and mature he was even though he was still a child himself. He offered his shoulder for me to lean on. He was someone I could count on and depend on.
My mother passed away when I was 14. They said her heart gave out on her. I wonder why. My father forced me to replace my mother in bed even with all the other women around. He was quite a generous man, even sharing me with his friends. I have one brother 7 years older than me. He learned from my father to use me as well. I never told Eric what my father did to me. I was afraid of what he would think of me. I think he figured it out; my father did not actually keep it a secret. But Eric never said anything to me. He still behaved normally like nothing was wrong. Maybe he was waiting for me to trust him enough to confide in him. But I was scared and never had the courage. By now, Eric was old enough to help his dad around the house. My father was busy with his business to notice what was happening between us during the day.
I was nearly 19 when my father started noticing and suspecting the relationship between Eric and me now that we both had grown up. I always thought that he was jealous that someone made me happy when he spent his entire life trying to squash the joy out of my life. He figured that I was in love with Eric and Eric with me. I did not know what he said or did then but Eric stopped coming around. Then, Eric’s dad decided to leave the country all of a sudden. I was devastated. I did not know what to do or who to go to for help. I was not considered of legal age yet since I was not 21 so I will not get help from the authorities. Furthermore, they were all in my father’s pocket anyway. I went to see Eric when my father was not around and discovered that my father had him beaten to within an inch of his life for daring to love me. His dad had decided to move away to save his son. I did not have the heart to ask him to stay with me and I knew we could never make it out of the country without my father catching up on us. I made Eric swear that he would leave and never come back for me because I feared what my dad will do if he saw Eric again. Eric was reluctant and only left when I promised him that I would come looking for him as soon as I became of legal age even though I knew my father will never let me leave.
It was horrible without Eric. I did not understand how much I had been depending on him until he left. My father had people sieve through my mail and my calls to make sure that we are not in contact with each other. I just existed on a day-to-day basis. I gave up ever seeing him again. I died the day Eric left; it was just my dead body walking around. It hurt just to keep breathing. I came close to killing myself a few times but I could never do it. I had given myself to Eric; how do I kill something that does not even belong to me? I could not just ignore what my father did to me like I used to. It was like Eric leaving was a splash of cold water and everything became ten times clearer and ten times more horrible. My life became like 2 parts- before and after Eric. Having spent most of my life with Eric, everything reminded me of him. Places, objects, every damn little thing. I was crying all the time and was frustrated that I could do nothing. 21 came and went and things were still the same. There were my father’s people around me all the time to make sure I did not try anything.
I am 23 now. If you were hoping that I somehow managed to leave and found Eric and we lived happily ever after, you are wrong. I never saw Eric again. I heard from a friend of Eric’s dad that Eric is a cop now. He always was a good guy. I hope that sooner or later Eric will move on. Perhaps if I try hard enough I could get out but I cannot. You see, my mother had another baby girl just before she died. My father and brother will replace me with my sister if I left. I would not wish this fate on my worst enemy and she is my own sister. Eric was my first and will be my only love but I pray everyday that he will find someone special to share his life with. Please pray for me as well.