New Trump Policy Aims to Send Low Income Families to the Mines

It’s the year eighteen-ten little Becka and young George are fighting the daily snow on there way to the mines, meanwhile Mama’s at home sick with a fever, and papa just died last winter from an infection he got while peeling potatoes. This may seem like a distant lifestyle with the advancement of technology and science, these days you don’t often hear of people dying from infections nor does the common cold affect them to the same degree, but there is one thing that hasn’t changed…. The Mines.

President Donald. Trump’s new policy, recently passed by congress, aims to fix the U.S debt and in a shocking way. All children above the age of eleven will now be required to drop out of school and work the mines with their parents. To reduce costs and increase the speed in which the U.S debt is fixed, children and adults working the mines will camp out in the mines until the U.S. debt is fully paid. The Trump administration has commented on numerous questions asked by reporters, one of which was; What supplies would anyone working the mines expect to get? In which Mike pence replied, “ We will supply the workers generously. Every worker should expect to get a stick with a sharp rock duct taped to the end of it. Okay no further questions, no more questions, seriously stop.”

What Vice president Pence failed to mention was the system that would be implemented in order to feed the workers, who have no access to the outside world. Again to cut on spending the Trump administration has set up a system to account for the caloric intake requirements of its workers; It goes as following, the expected caloric intake for a worker of the mines( We weren’t allowed to call them miners because people who sexually identify as miners, found this offensive), would be set at 2,750 calories. Workers will be given food equal to 2,500 calories, and when the Us debt is 90% gone that’s when spending for food will be depleted; workers of the mine will be expected to eat their children and their neighbors children in order to survive long enough to get rid of the last 10%. If the children are not enough, workers will be expected to eat the weakest of each other. Some may say this is not humane but we here at Fox news, approve wholeheartedly of this new policy, and who really cares about poor people anyway, maybe they should of just asked their fathers for money, it’s really that simple. In the coming weeks the Trump administration plans on moving forward with other amazing ideas; to better the U.S. They are the following, Throw all pet Cats into an incinerator and give the owners pet rocks in order to conserve water (Backed and funded by PETA) , Hire a mob of raccoons to rob Canada to improve yearly GDP, and lastly try to sell Alaska back to the Russians, but put lube everywhere so they can’t build anything on it.

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