I’ve grown used to waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, without someone next to me, our hearts combining ans swirling around each other like a hurricane. But then I realize I haven’t grown used to not having her, not seeing her smile, not to feel her hands brushing against my cheek as I cry into her shoulder. It makes me sick to my stomach that I can’t feel her. I fell this pit in my soul that just won’t go away. I have this need to pick her up and hold her against me for an eternity, to laugh with her, to be happy, for once. Love is not a mistake. Whatever god exists created Love se we could have feeling. But that god also created love to fuck with us, to make us sad, empty. Alone.
Every day, I look at her and smile. Every day I joke around with her. Every day I sit in my room and think about Her. I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s the only thing on my mind. She’s the one I love. She’s the one who can’t see the signs and know that I LOVE HER. I’m blinded by her. I can’t see anything else but her when I’m asleep, when I walk into the room I only see her. She’s crawled onto my brain and left her initials in it. She can’t see the tears swelling up inside of me and she’s oblivious to the fact that I NEED HER.
She cuts, but I look past that. She’s depressed, like me, but I look past that too. I look past what she does and she doesn’t notice the one fucking guy who doesn’t care about her ass or her face? Of course she doesn’t! I’m crying and she won’t help. She can’t see ANYTHING, but I can see everything flashing in her eyes. The hypnotizing gaze she has, the likeable personality, her shining smile, her laugh, everything about her has seeped into my soul and is stuck there. She isn’t happy, but I want to make her happy. Is that really so bad? I can’t survive without her. I can’t think without her. I feel like I’m on the verge of collapse as I look at her and I have to hide it because I know she doesn’t love me.