I Won't Take the Blame

I honestly want to curse and shout,
But lord knows I can’t do that.
Cause God forbid I embarrass you.
And God forbid you even speak to me.
Fine then, I get it;
This is the last you’ll see of me.

I’ll leave you alone I swear it,
If you would tell me just one thing:
Did you really have to play me like that?
Hell, I thought you were better than that.
Guess I was wrong though,
You’re the same as all the rest.
I used to think that having you,
Meant that I was blest.
Now all I want is to go away;
To finally get some rest.
But I won’t say a word against you.
Lord knows I never have
And he knows I never will.
But oh! dear God….
If thoughts could kill….

I’ve always kept my mouth shut,
'Cause I was raised right.
Always respect a lady,
Even if “lady” doesn’t fit right.
So I never said a word against you.
Never hit you, never shoved you;
Yet you tell me that I broke you?
Mmmm…. Please.
I barely even know you.

You look confused, so I’ll explain:
Yes, we spent a year together,
We even screamed and cried together.
But you never saw the real me;
You never saw my pain.
You would always get so mad,
'Cause now and then I’d drink.
Now and then I’d roll a joint,
Or pop a tab and think.
But I guess that now to you, doing drugs is cool;
Cause the guy that you now claim you love?
He’s just a drugged up tool.

It makes me laugh how far you’ve slid,
And how far still you’re sliding.
You used to say that God was king;
You used to wear a purity ring.
It may sound like I’m judging, but I honestly don’t care.
You see, that ring that I just mentioned?
I’m the reason it’s not there.
You can claim that it’s a lie,
And… it doesn’t matter if you do...
But I didn’t pressure, didn’t push,
Hell, I didn’t even ask you.
You threw yourself at me;
You almost begged for love.
So insecure and broken,
You’d do anything for a touch.

If you can claim loneliness and longing,
Then screw it, so can I.
After all, the reason that I’m such a prick?
I’m just a teenage guy.

No. To hell with that.

I won’t be you and make an excuse;
I won’t accept your blame.
I thought that we had more than that.
I thought you’d felt the same.
But then a year went by,
And I let you go forever.
See, the love we had just wasn't enough;
It couldn’t keep us together.
But now that you’re gone,
Don’t try and pin it all on me.
Because see, now that I'm gone?
You can finally be free.
I left because I loved you,
You have no more place in my life.
You act as though I’ve hurt you;
As though I've stabbed you with a knife.

Don't blame me for what you're doing now:
The alcohol and drugs.
Don't say I left without a thought
When you know exactly why I left.
I hope he loves you like I never could,
and I hope he gives you joy.
But I can't help but wonder when you'll realize:
He's just another boy.
He's not the answer to your troubles,
Nor the cleansing of your sin.
You'll never truly be happy
If you look for it in him.

Author Notes: Maybe he is better than me... but you can't hide your pain by loving him. You can't fix your broken pieces with drugs or alcohol.

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