Ofdavid

“It’s a shredder, I'm so sorry”

I glanced down at my baby as I watched a handmaid walk out of the room with them knowing I'd never see them again. I felt the commander's wife get off of the birthing chair, her leg hitting me a little as she swung it over me. I watched as tears filled her eyes, feeling mine do the same as well. I quickly blinked them away, knowing it was dangerous if I showed how truly sad I was. The other wives comforted her as she cried into the shoulder of one, the rest of the handmaids dispersed , immediately beginning to clean up the room and me after the birth. One began to wipe up the blood dripping down my leg as another held my arm, trying to get me up to put on a change of clothes. My legs felt as if they were noodles, trembling with every step, my mind still struggling to process what had just happened. As I approached the door Amanda, my commander's wife screamed,

“ You useless excuse of a woman, how dare you do this to me!”

I stopped, my blood running cold in my tracks, not even knowing how to respond,

“ I'm sorry Ma'am “

I replied, the words stumbling out softy as the commander’s wife stared at me with pure anger and pain. Ofjohn, the handmaid helping me, quickly ushered out of the room, both of us knowing if I stayed there any longer that I’d regret it.

The next morning, the day started off as usual, the martha bringing me the typical boiled eggs and buttered toast with some orange juice. Her walking in as I waited patiently, my hands gently cupped together resting on my lap as I sat on my bed. Unlike perusal though,

the martha sat alongside me on the bed as she held out my breakfast to me.

“I’m so sorry about yesterday.”

I nodded, my mind desperately trying not to think about it as I quickly tried to eat, simply wanting to get to the market as soon as possible for my daily trip.

“I apologize but I must go, blessed be”

I said as I quickly rushed for my cloak, speed walking to the door, hoping I didn’t run into the commander’s wife.

“Stop there.”

I felt my whole being freeze as I realized she had been waiting for me, I slowly turn around, my eyes to the floor, not daring to look anywhere above the bottom of her shoe.

“ What did I do to you for you to birth me such a useless excuse of a child?”

She asked as I watched as she slowly got up from her chair, her legs uncrossing as she began approaching me threateningly. I stayed silent for a minute as I tried to piece together my answer.

“I’m sorry, I prayed every night for a healthy baby to give you ma’am.”

I finally said, my body trembling from fear as I stared at her shoes that had stopped only a foot away from mine. I then felt a painful stinging across my cheek as she began screaming at me once again.

“ Like hell you did! What were they thinking, giving me such a wretch like you, how did I ever think you could give me a baby.”

My hand immediately shot up to cover my now red cheek, holding it comfortingly as my gaze returned to the familiar ground.

“Take off your shoe.”

Ordered the commander’s wife, I paused before reluctantly reaching down and unbuckling my shoe, holding up my dress slightly to present my foot to her. I then watched as she held her foot up as she dug her heel into the center of my foot, a painful cry escaped my lips as I felt my bones break from the impact. I kneeled down, holding my now broken foot as I bit my lip, trying my best to hold in my cries.

“You’re dismissed.”

Stated the commander’s wife triumphantly as she walked back to her seat as she watched me struggle to put my boot back on. I quickly limped to the front gate, desperately wanting to leave and never return.

“Blessed be the fruit ”

I said, greeting Ofsmith, meekly trying to hide the limp in my step.

“ May the lord open “

Ofsmith quietly replied as she got by my side, beginning our daily walk.

As we walked I allowed my mind to trail off into memories of the before time, always trying to remember at least one per a day in an attempt to hold on to the little sense of identity I had left. My mind wondered to when I had dropped a tray full of beer onto my foot after stumbling over a disregarded rag on the floor.

I few hours later I arrived home, a dark feeling in my gut growing as I quickly dropped off my cloak and basket as I hurried back to my quarters, wanting to avoid the commanders wife at all costs. I hurried past her, ignoring the growing pain in my foot as I looked down at the ground once more.

Once finally in my room I collapsed on the bed, the pain in my foot now overwhelming. I sat near the window as I took off my boot inspecting my injury. I hated how bruised and swollen it looked, the skin a deep purple, I couldn’t help but flinch as I traced my fingers gently on the skin. I then noticed out of the corner of my eye a black van pulling up, my blood ran cold once more.

“ No…..she wouldn’t have…”

My words trailed off into nothing as I tried to think what I should do, plead I was innocent? No, that wouldn’t work, beg for forgiveness? No. I felt my body shaking in fear at the mere thought of what they were planning to do once they got me. I watched as the men in black ran into the house. I didn’t have time to do anything or think, they were already inside, i quickly did the only thing I could think of, I ran myself into a the brick wall aside the door, hoping to crack my skull open and bleed to death before they could get their hands on me. Pain immediately exploded in my head as my legs collapsed from under me. I forced myself to my knees as I heard their steps approaching on the stairs, I quickly gathered all my strength, fear and adrenaline pulsing through my body as I forced my head at the wall one last time.

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