Standing there, everyone is sobbing. Hard. I look hard into the weathered stone. I close my eyes and think, almost forcefully.
Sis had just passed away two days ago.
"Swiftly and painless", the autopsy guy said to me.
I miss her so dearly. She used to play cars with me every day. I like the sounds she makes with them when she takes them over the trackline. Once, she sped the Porsche too fast over the tracks and it crashed with my beloved Toyota Tundra. We laughed at the little slip-up, unbeknownst to the future of what would happen to not just her, but to me also.
From then on, I'd always have difficulty sleeping.
"Just a little side effect from loss", I overheard the therapist dude talk to my mother.
Sometimes I just wonder why it had to be her. I'd pay everything I had in my possession, including my teddybear that Sis gave to me on my 8th birthday a few days ago, to take her place on that drastic Monday. Most adults think that, at my age, we don't understand anything. I don't think so.
I have these lucid dreams where I'm stuck in bed thinking of her*. I tell my mother, but she just looks away and hugs me close. Every time I tell her, I hear her silently whisper to daddy about what will happen to me while I sleep.
"She is fine. She is only 8. She doesn't understand yet."
But, tonight was different. I had this lucid dream. I was sitting at the coffee table in the empty house, cuddling my teddy from sis, waving sis goodbye. She hopped in the car and pulled out. Out of nowhere, I hear this enormous bang. I was temporarily deafened before it registered in my head of what had happened. I glanced out the window, shocked. I rushed to the door, pulling the lockout with my puny little hands. I raced onto the street and screamed, the loudest, most emotional scream I had ever mustered in my entire short-handed life. A Porsche had slammed into Sis's Tundra. I heard a voice behind me and I turned around. I see Sis walking towards me and spoke to me in the softest voice.
"Be strong. My journey was quick and easy. Eventually, everyone will respect you and won't assume you don't understand."
My eyes wettened even more and she opened her arms as if to embrace me. I ran towards her with my eyes closed, only to faceplant into the damp earth below.
I woke up face wet. I cried for mother. She embraced me once more, before I heard the words, "I'll be waiting for you."
Tonight, once again, I heard daddy talking with mom, "She is fine. She is only 8. She doesn't understand yet."
I whispered to myself, through the tears, "Everyone will respect me and won't assume that I don't understand soon enough, soon enought."
*for those who understand the reference
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United States • 19 years old