As the half of the world started to be filled with darkness, a restless soul started to mend its own pain... Darkness has been her shelter.. Loneliness has been her best friend.. Still wondering what went wrong..
It's already past midnight, I don't know if anyone in this world is still awake.. All I know is that in this part, I am the only one who is still alive..Yet dead at all.. As the ticking of the clock breaks the deafening silence of the night, together with my dying heartbeat, I wanted to scream... Ask for some peace.. Painful memories started to replayed again in my mind.. Just like a movie scenes in its slow motion version.. How could I forgot those days..
We've already known each other for so long when love started to introduce itself.. I've already been caring for you then yet love made its intervention and suddenly.. the one I used to call the best of my friends became the only man in my life.. Suddenly, everything has change..The simple memories with you became the most special, the laughters became more alive, every second passes by unnoticeable specially when I'm with you.. The things that we used to do became more meaningful.. My life has totally change... And that is because I have you.. One more thing that made me heavenly happy is knowing you feel the same way for me.<3 Although you said you don't want commitment at all.. I just accepted it because the fact that you told me you can not live without me.. You already got me there..
You mean the world to me then.. The light of my day.. the stars of my night.. The color of my life.. The air that I breath..The food of my soul.. The song that i sing.. My life itself.. I gave you everything that I have.. Everything I own ... Even the things that I can not do before.. I did it all for you.. Cause you know I'm more than willing to give up my everything for you if you would only say a word.. I am so happy back then, that I never noticed there is something wrong.. We are more than friends, considered lovers yet there's no commitment at all.. Maybe that is my fault.. I didn't noticed.. Although I knew it, but I just let it passed by.. My weakness indeed.. I love you too much and I got blinded by it..
I don't know what happened next, all I know is that you are already giving me a cold shoulder. Suddenly the laughters were gone, the bonding was stopped.. the sweetness became bitter tears.. The absence of passion became too visible that every night I always end up silently crying, holding my pillow tight... Missing you to death.. While being puzzled with the reason why you suddenly change.. Suddenly all that is present is the cold shoulder and the dead stare.. As if I don't exists.. How am I supposed to understand what is happening if you wouldn't give any explanation.. " Dear, what have I done.. please tell me.." I asked..
So this is what no commitment means huh? Everyday that passed by I am slowly dying inside.. If only my heart would stopped beating.. I begged him to stay.. Asked what went wrong.. He knows that I am very much willing to change myself if he would only asked for it.. "Just please asked for it and you know I am more than willing to follow Baby.." . Yet he never listened to me.. He didn't even bother to explain why.. But I love him too much to blame him.. to put up a fight over it.. Cause I know.. In the end.. I will be the one who will give up.. The one who'll beg for love.. Call me stupid, yes, but this is what will make me happy.. To be with him. To love and be loved by him again.. But he wouldn't listen to me.. He even put me to shame in front of his family and our friends.. but still.. that is still okay with me.. I love him too much and maybe I am still the reason why he got irritated and put me to shame.. I will still apologize..
Days passes by so slowly.. How many days had passed? A day or two? Yet it feels like I'm waiting for forever.. It's like everything has no meaning at all.. Everything's in Black and gray.. You only wake up because you need to.. You only sleep because you're tired of thinking and crying.. I can still hear his promises to me.. " I can not live with out you Babe.." Can not live indeed..! all my friends are telling me to move on.. They told me he wasn't even treating me like a friend.. Told me to forget him.. but i just can't. It's like forgetting how to breath.. Besides.. he might look after me.. Yes.. Maybe he was just busy.. Maybe he's just confused.. but I waited in vain.. How am I supposed to live without him.. I asked myself.. When all that I've been dreaming for is him..
How stupid can I get.. I ate up my pride.. Said I'm sorry to the things I didn't even know what and begged for another chance, but he ignored me.. He kept pushing me away.. Maybe it is now time to move on.. I told myself.. I can not just stay like this.. I have to keep going.. Even if it means losing the one I been dreaming of.. the one that I love.. Losing him.. Anyway.. now I realized.... He never became mine at all.. There was never an "Us".. Just " me" and " him" But "Us" together...? Never.. I was just blinded..
Moving on wasn't easy.. It's like learning to walk again, after years of not using your feet.. It's like putting back the broken pieces of me again, into its original shape. I don't know where to start.. What to pick up first.. cause every time I will do.. I'm bleeding.. Getting wounded.. but still I know I have to endure it.. I have to be strong.. For my own sake.. Bit by bit I moved forward.. Sometimes I would just stop and will think of coming back to him.. But the next thing I knew.. I would question myself what for? Then I'll tell myself.. You will only make us suffer.. again.. We're already a step away from suffering.. We can make it, just don't give up.. It's just a broken heart.. I will live..
As the sun starts to show up itself again in my world, I told myself.. Maybe.. Yes maybe..I'm sill a broken soul.. a wounded one.. and Yes.. I will never be the same again.. but guess what.. I've already accepted the fact that you're gone in my life.. for good.. I've accepted the fact that you will never be mine again.. But like the Sun after a hopeless storm.. I will show up again.. Lighting the life of the people who never left me during those struggling time.. And although it still hurts.. It wasn't like as hurtful as it did before..
Darkness.. yes.. It was once became my shelter.. Yes , it was my best friend.. cause it slowly took my pain.. Now I can show up myself in the light of the day with a smile.. Knowing I will never came back again to that place.. to that darkness.. I'm gonna leave my old self in that place.. Let it be buried in the same darkness that sheltered me from the world.. I'm gonna face this world with a smile now.. Goodbye Memories.. Goodbye Darkness.. Goodbye Babe..
*** This Note is dedicated to A friend who shared this story with me.. ( Wink) You know who you are...<3<3<3..Thank you for sharing. I hope I gave justice With your story and all the compliment that you showered on me.. Again thank you....