He always felt strange to me…even when we were young, He seemed different. I remember it like it was yesterday, when we were 3-year olds, sitting next to each other on His bench, holding hands and smiling. We had always liked each other, but we were shy to admit it to each other and ourselves…but now we were happily smooching in the privacy of His tree house. I smiled at the memory, because we didn’t know any better and we’d both been watching too many movies with too much romance. When His mother came out of their house, wailing and sobbing, we were so startled because we thought she’d seen us, I fell out of the tree house and landed on the trampoline giggling. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to giggle for very long, because it turned out that His grandparents were killed in a terrible car accident moments before and she came looking for Him for comfort. He wanted me to come with Him to the funeral but my mom didn’t let me because she didn’t want me to have to deal with all that sadness (I think she was also afraid that He and I would be busy giggling and roughhousing through the whole thing). After the funeral, His mother decided that they would go move into her parents’ house (it was given to her in the Will) partly to show Him where she grew up, and to heal some of her own wounds. As I said goodbye to Him for the last time, He turned around in His car seat to stare at me and smile through the car window for the last time.
When my sweet memory ended and I was thrust back into the present, everything came flooding back to me in a rush: He is gone, it’s been almost eleven years since I last saw Him, I’m a junior in high school (I started school early), and I’m moving to Italy after I graduate because my mom is finally spreading her bakery chain across the sea and she’s trying to get everything under control. “Damnit, eight already?” I moaned. From there, it was a rush to get dressed and downstairs to eat whatever delectable treat my mother had made for me. “Morning mom, what-STROODLE!!” My mom whirled around just in time to see me rushing at her to give her a bloody tight hug. She smiled at me with her big blue-grey eyes, and told me to scoot on to school so I could wake up completely and socialize before class. When I finally got in my seat, I saw the only thing that could shake me to my core…Him…Cally. He’d come back from the country with his mom and they were here to stay this time, as far as we knew. He sat right next to me after introducing himself to the class, and I noticed his hazel eyes linger on me like he was trying to figure out where he’d seen me before but couldn’t remember who I was. The clueless look on his face was enough to rip my heart to pieces, and I didn’t even glance in his direction for the rest of the period. When the bell rang, I was the first one out of class and halfway down the hall when I heard distinct footsteps right behind me, following me to my next class. My whole day was the same thing, hour after hour, he followed me, trying to get a direct look at my face.
Later he surprised me by making out with my friend in the cafeteria, and in doing so, he got a look at my face when I jumped up in frustration…Talley and I stormed out together and I told her the whole story between Cally and me in the bathroom. “Any thoughts on the situation?” I asked sarcastically. “All I gots to say is that boy is friggin fine!” she replied with a smile, “That sexy black hair is enough of a turn on for any girl!” I stared at her with a blank expression on my face and a faraway look in my eyes as they turned a solid iron- grey. Suddenly we both burst out laughing because of how well we knew each other and all that we’d been through, and the comment about Cally’s sexiness didn’t hurt the moment either. “You go on and eat, I’m gonna stay in here for a while and…think” it was her turn to stare at me and I could read the worry behind her eyes like a map, “Catherine…you shouldn’t try to get rid of your wingman when you’re…. conflicted.” I knew she was referring to the days when I cured my pain by cutting myself…just thinking of the crimson blood leak out of my neck was intoxicating enough, but now that Cally was back… “I’ll be fine, Wingman” Obviously my dazzling smile was enough to get her out of the bathroom and out into the deserted hallway. As soon as she walked out, I ran into the nearest stall and started crying, crying for my lost love, who obviously didn’t care weather he hurt me or not. Just as I pulled my knife out, someone came into the bathroom and started calling my name, it was Cally. I quickly put the knife away and jumped out of the stall glaring at him like he’d just run over my dog. His beautiful eyes were wide, but soon they were just small with shame, “Why did you come in here?” I demanded. “Why did you make out with Marissa in the cafeteria?!” “Because I was trying to see if you were still the girl I fell in love with eleven years ago…” I could barely hear him because he was being so quiet. I thought it was selfish of him to like he was the victim, “Don’t even-you were?...” Now it was his turn to get mad because I’d second guessed him. “Yeah, I was and you know what?! I wasn’t even kissing her we were just pre-“He didn’t get the chance to finish because before he could stop me, I was kissing him with all the love I’d had for him since we’d been little and, thankfully, he kissed me back. It was the sweetest, softest kiss I’d ever had in my whole life; granted, I haven’t exactly lived a hundred years yet, but I’ve kissed a lot of guys trying to get over the guy I was kissing now…
The rest of the week has been a blur but I know that Cally and I are officially together and he was coming to my house so we could help each other him study for our exams that are in a few days. It’s the middle of our coldest winter ever and it can only get colder from here, so he drove to my house ahead of me because I convinced him I’d hitch a ride with Talley, but I had other things on my mind so I walked a trail along the river, to think until I got home. I was just 30 feet from my house when I could barely hear a little girl crying over the sound of the river’s roaring rapids. The closer I got to the river, the better I could her the crying; so I dropped my stuff into a chair on our deck in the backyard, jogged to the side of the river, and climbed up into the tree closest to the edge. Even though the tree I was in was the sturdiest-looking one I could see for about half a mile, the branch I was perched on snapped and I fell into the water below. Whenever people think of Hell, I’m fairly sure they think of Tarterus and the burning fields of souls; they don’t know how wrong they are…when I hit that water, every nerve in me, every single thought I’d ever had, was washed away by a pain so cold it burned me from the inside out. The crying stopped as soon as I fell in (or the roaring water blocked out all sound as well as thought) and suddenly a bright, blue ball appeared above me and for two seconds, the world stopped. The ball turned into a little girl, and I instantly recognized her as the girl who’d been missing for a little over 3 months, I guess now I know what happened to her. She tilted her head to the side, smiled, and said, “Gotcha! You naughty girl!” She disappeared as soon as she appeared and the world sped up as soon as she was gone. My body is too numb to feel the cold anymore and I’ve given up trying to keep my head above the water, now I’m being thrust against a rock and I’m barely managing to hold on. Now warm hands are pulling me out of the water and I’m staring into the face of the boy-no, the man I’ve loved all my life…He’s panicking and I can’t seem to figure out why… I don’t know how I can still talk but I said, “Its such a pretty day, isn’t it?” or at least that’s what I tried to say because, his face grew even more concerned and he’s going on about hypo-something. I keep trying to speak but he keeps putting his finger on my mouth to keep me quiet, it took all my energy but I finally managed to push his hand away and say, pretty clearly, “I’ll always lo-“My body seizes up and my eyes can no longer see the man I love, or anything for that matter…and suddenly, I’m able to see everything, including a weird, blue thing crumpled up under a really cute guy. My memory hit me like a slap to the face and I started floating upward screaming Cally’s name, he heard me once and his head jerked up. It killed me to see his hazel eyes turn a dark green and to see them filled with tears, and to make matters worse, the little girl yanked my body with her into the river and she looked up at me with a huge grin. Cally started screaming my name and now I’m fading into the light and I can only hope im not going to Hell….