Oxygen

‘isn’t it funny? The sun has been around for billions of years but never burns out?’ I said to her as we were lying in my bed. We were young but free. Well, I guess we were free my parents didn’t except me, but her parents not only excepted me, but they also supported me. it was the best thing ever; I always knew she was the one when we were little. With her auburn brown hair and her beautiful blue eyes, the way she walks and the way she just cares about me. oh, by the way if you couldn’t tell I’m a bit gay. WAIT!!!! Omg I completely forgot to introduce myself, I’m charlotte and my girlfriend I guess you can call her, her name is Lola. I love her so much. Oh, speaking of the devil here she is, give me a while she liked to rant after a long day at school (we go to different schools, and I always get home before her)

‘Hey baby’

‘Hey love, you know what….’

‘Let me guess you’re going to tell me what a boy did at school today?’

‘Yes, yes I am…... ugh it was unbelievable. he just looked up the girls skirt and when she said stop, he just kept going and guess what?’

‘What?’

‘He didn’t get in trouble…. like what? The girl was told what she was wearing was too short and revelling’

‘She was told her clothes was revelling?’

‘Yes, yes she was like what the hell is wrong with my school... were only 17 and we already know how to defend ourselves isn’t that mad?’

‘Baby you need to calm down, come here’

You see when she gets like this you just need to hug her and calm her down. She is a very big feminist I mean ‘m not saying I’m not or anything, but I just don’t get that stuff like equal rights and all that, but I don’t know. At the moment she just needs me to be there for her. Otherwise, it cannot go well’

‘Oh babe, baby, omg I didn’t tell you ahah guess what’

‘what’s up?’

As I look down at her all I can see is her smiling and then she looks up at me and gets up. At first it was weird that she was just looking though her bag and then she found this piece of paper.

‘Here look, I wrote a poem’

‘About what?’

‘About women in today’s society’

She hands the piece of paper to me, she loves writing poems it’s kind of weird actually but she says it’s how she expresses herself, I’m not going to argue with her because her poems are actually really good, this one was the most amazing and probably one of the best pieces she’s ever done, I need to share this with you otherwise it’s just selfish to leave it for myself so I guess here it is;

By 10, we were told that if boys poked and pushed us, they liked us

By 12, we were told that if boys made fun of us, that they wanted to be us

By 13, we were told that we were pretty by men we didn’t even know

By 14, we were told not to show too much shoulder, because it’s distracting the boys

By 15, we were told to change the way we looked, to look like the girls in the magazines

By 16, we were told that we were distracting the male teachers from teaching by showing to much arm or leg

By 17, we were told to clutch our purse and bring a sharp object in our bags

By 18, we were seen as adults, we were seen as people who were nothing that were shapes, sizes, and colours

By 19, the same men who were once poking, pushing, and making fun of us finally caught up to us

The same men that we looked up to all our lives finally caught up to us, and let’s just say you don’t want to know what happened next

But it’s ok we won’t speak; we have been trained not to

We have been trained not to tell a soul of what happened to us

We have been silenced to our opinions

We have been told that what we say is wrong

What once started off as an innocent push, and prodding, turned into something bigger than that

‘Omg baby this is amazing’

‘Thank you I literally just wrote it in English today’

‘Did you show it to your English teacher because this is amazing. You don’t know how much you would be able to be praised for this’

‘But I don’t want to be praised I just want to keep my poems to myself and well you of course.’

‘Ok baby, it was just an idea, you don’t need to get upset’

‘I’m not upset!’

‘Ok baby, can we just go lay down please I want to watch this new movie that I found on Netflix’

‘Yeah sure, oh btw how did It go today’

‘What school, yeah it was ok I guess’

‘No, the other thing, you know the doctors?’

‘Oh yeah that was alright’

You clearly don’t know what I’m talking about. Quick trigger warning I guess I am honestly not sure how these things work. but you see I have cancer. Yep, cancer. I know it’s a big shock, but I only just found out 2 years ago that I had it and you can say my life hasn’t been the same ever since. At first my hair started to fall out in little strands then it started to fall out in chunks and by the end I only had a little bit of hair left that I just shaved it all off. Honestly, the best decision for me. my girlfriends’ moms are amazing with taking me to my hospital appointments. My well I guess ‘real’ parents have no idea that I have cancer and I prefer it that way because then they can’t say anything about me saying things for ‘attention’. Oh, and by the way yes, I did say mums, Lola’s parents are lesbians.

‘It went alright that’s good, so when is your next round of chemo’

‘Umm, in a couple weeks I think, I’m not sure I wasn’t paying attention. I think mama knows’

Oh, quickly before anything else happens because Lola has two mums both of them have different mum names, Diana is called mama and Crissy is just mum. It’s just so we can tell who is when we’re talking about them really

‘You know you need to start paying attention to these appointments, right?’

‘Yes, I know’

‘They are really going to benefit you, otherwise what happens If one day you’re really sick and you don’t know what to do because you were too busy staring out the window’

‘Ok I’m sorry I will’

I can’t help it ok the doctor’s office has a really nice window and I love watching the rain just go down the window, it looks a little bit something like this.

Ok maybe not exactly like this but like, you get the point. I just like watching the tree blows and I like watching the rain fall down like I said earlier. I also like having rain drop races. It’s so satisfying, well to me at least. I don’t like my doctor anyway he treats me like a five-year-old, and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. Did I mention that I hate it?

‘Baby are you ok? You just zoned out’

‘Yeah sorry, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something’

I’m not really ok this is the worst I felt for a while actually but I’m not going to tell her that she has got her driver’s licence test soon and I don’t feel like stressing her out even more. There was one other thing I didn’t tell her, nor did I tell you, I was listening to the doctor the whole time, I actually don’t have that long left, so what I’m going to do Is I’m going to take Lola on as many dates as I possibly can before well you the time come. I’m going to take her on so many dates that I possibly can., take every day like it’s our last day. Which I’m really scared of, I’m scared of death you see. It’s always been one of my biggest fears and I know there’s no point in being scared of death because it’s inevitable. It’s weird I don’t know, I knew I was going to die since I was young, I always knew there was something wrong with me, but I never had the guts to say anything. Until I finally spoke up about how I’m feeling, and all my parents would say was ‘stop saying things for attention’. I was 9 when I spoke up. I’m sorry but who says that to their 9-year-old daughter. The only person who helped me through this is Lola and of course her parents. Not even my own parents believed me. they weren’t really around a lot anyway. My grandparents practically raised me but when they died, I asked Lola if I can move in with her, and thankfully they agreed and now I have the best life possible for me. I don’t know what I would do without Lola and her family. Probably be homeless and not be able to pay for any of my treatments. But they have helped me through everything, including the chemo which I hate because it always makes me feel sick. But I wouldn’t be going If it weren’t for mum and Muma and of course Lola

‘GIRLS! Dinner’s ready!’

‘Coming, Charlotte are you coming?’

‘Oh yeah I am sorry, you know me always zoning out’

‘Hey girls, you alright? Charlotte, you seem a bit flushed are you ok?’

‘Oh yes, you do a bit hunny are you alright?’

‘Yes, I am ok just not really feeling well today.’

‘Was it because of the doctor’s appointment?’ is It what he said?’

‘No, well maybe I’m just not sure how to process it to be honest’

‘Wait, what. I thought you said you didn’t listen to what the doctor said. What did he say?’

‘You didn’t tell her?’

‘No not yet, I was scared, I don’t even know how to process it myself!’

‘Charlotte what did the doctor say? What’s happening? Is there something wrong with the chemo? Is it not working? Is there something wrong with you?’

‘Hold on, hold on, Lola calm down. It’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with the chemo, it’s just not that affective anymore’

‘What do you mean it’s not affective anymore?’

‘Hunny, I think you need to calm down.’

‘Wait what, you know as well’

‘well, you know Muma never keeps anything from me’

‘And I thought Charlotte would never keep anything from me’

‘it’s not that important ok’

‘Charlotte, stop saying that it is very important, I know you may not want to speak about it but come on please tell Lola. She has the right to know’

‘Ok fine, fine. Can we get some privacy’?

‘Yes of course. Come on Diana’

‘Ok I’m coming’

I was so scared to tell her that I don’t have long left to live. Like I can barely comprehend it myself. But I guess here goes nothing.

‘So…. What is it? What happened at the doctors?’

‘Well, he basically said... well. I guess… he said’

‘Quit it out charlotte please’

‘Ok fine you know what, he said I don’t have long left to live. There are you happy’

‘What?! You don’t have long left to live. What? When? How? Where? Place?’

‘Ok, ok calm down. To answer your questions. What, I haven’t got long left to live. When, I have no idea. How, again I have no idea. Where, I don’t know that’s a weird question. Place, probably in the hospital I don’t know’

‘Ok, I’m sorry for asking all the questions, it’s just a shock ok. My girlfriends dying and I had no idea about it till 10 minutes ago’

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know how to process it myself’

‘And how did you expect me to process is?’

‘I don’t know, I’m the one dying here!’

‘No, no you don’t get to use that card on me’

‘What do you mean card?’

‘Look I need some space. Hope you enjoy dinner’

‘Wait no Lola please don’t walk away’

‘I’ll be back soon’

The door, it just slammed. It was such a loud noise. I couldn’t do it. My head it’s banging. My heart racing. I can’t see straight. My eyes going blurry. Everything spinning. I don’t remember much after that all I remember is waking up in the hospital the next day.

I guess you thought that this is where the story ends… well guess what I’s not

So, what was I talking about, oh right yes, I woke up in the hospital?

With an IV drip in my arm and a feeding tube down my nose. I have been like this a few times but its never been this bad. Whenever I’m in hospital it’s always the same thing and because of my cancer I have to be looked and watched after especially more than a couple other people. Like someone came in with just a cough, like it’s a cough you’ll get over it. I miss being young able to go to places and able to do things without all of these safety procedures.

‘Hey, how we feeling today?’

‘Hey Margret, I’m feeling ok not much better then yesterday but hey we move am I right?’

‘We move? Charlotte, you know that’s not how it works. We have to run some test especially with your last doctor’s appointment’

‘Ok I get it, thank you Margret. Is Lola here or her mums?’

‘They were here this morning, but Lola had to go to school and Muma took her while mum just went to get you snacks’

‘Were you talking about me?’

‘No, I have no idea what you mean’

‘Hahahah, very funny’

‘I’ll leave you girls alone for now’

‘Thank you, Margret,’

‘No problem I’ll check in soon ok’

‘ok’

As she starts to walk away, I realised how serious this is. I don’t know how long I’ve been in hospital. I don’t know how much time I have left. I don’t even know anything anymore.

‘Hey kiddo, you, ok?’

‘Yeah, I guess so, I’m just really worried I don’t know what to do I don’t even know what is happening anymore. I didn’t realise how serious this actually was.’

‘Ok, ok hunny calm down you’re ok.’

‘Calm down how am I supposed to calm down. How long have I been unconscious for? How long have I been here?’

‘You have been out for a couple weeks’

‘WHAT?! A couple weeks? You’re joking. Please no don’t say that it’s true’

A COUPLE WEEKS! DID SHE REALLY JUST SAY THAT. OMG, I HAVE MISSED EVERYTHING. ALL MY DATES WITH LOLA EVERYTHING. I COULD JUST CRY.

And that’s exactly what I did. I cried for hours and hours, until Lola got back. She always knows how to comfort me.

‘Hey, hey. Love it’s ok. It’s ok. Don’t cry you’re ok’

‘No, no. you don’t understand. I have like a week left and then you know what I die. I am gone into the sky. Bye Bye Charlotte’

‘Charlotte don’t talk like that come one you know that’s not true’

‘But it is. Have you not listened to anything the doctors have said’?

‘Yes of course I have’

She starts moving around which makes me feel nervous because I know that this is going to turn into another argument which I don’t want to happen. All of a sudden my heart starts to really race. My throat feels like it is closing up I can’t breathe. That’s it I’m going. I’m really going. I’ll miss you Lola, your gorgeous. Bye mum, bye Muma. Bye Margret. They tried everything that could to make sure it didn’t happen, but no one ever could help me. I hate that the last thing I said to Lola was ‘have you not listened to anything the doctors have said’. Like what was I thinking I could have said anything. Like I love You. I’m going to miss you but no it had to be an argument.

Fire needs oxygen to keep burning, guess I ran out of it as I take my last breath.

Author Notes: I did want to add colour to the people when they were speaking but on this website it wont let me, but I hope you enjoy this story and your welcome to give me some feedback. this is also one of my longer stories that I have written, normally my stories are 1-2 pages long but this was is about 6-7 pages long. there is also a lot of dialogue in this story. I'm struggling a lot with writing at the moment, I have a lot of Writers block at the moment. I also have exams going on but if you have any suggestions on what you want to hear them please leave me any suggestions and I will try my best. I am trying to write more as it is my way of dealing with stress. but please bare with me.
Thank you for reading :)
- Eloise xx

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