Party gone wrong

I was always told that drugs were bad and you should never use them. I didn't believe it though. To me it was all a pile of crap. Going into my freshman year of high school I needed to find friends, people to hang with. So I found some cool people to hang with a group of seniors and juniors. They said sure I could hang with them. But I'd have to get high with them first, just to make sure I was cool and wasn't gonna snitch on them or anything.
So that day I smoke my first blunt. It was awesome and fun and I had bunch of older cool friends to be with all the time. A couple of weeks later they invited me to a party. They said if i didn't go I couldnt hang with them any longer. Well I felt I had to go at that point. That was the first of over 60 parties I went in the next 18 months. Id go whenever I had the chance whenever they'd take me with them, whenever I cud party. Then the day after Christmas I went to a party with one of my friends. At this time I was a sophomore almost 16 willing to do anything I had to to prove I was just as good as any other person there at being a bad ass. That night I tried cocaine for the first time. We sat and snorted lines. There must've been 20 people there doing it no way I was gonna pass up a chance to be that guy who did more than most everyone else there. It was also the night that I went and had sex with my best friends girlfriend.
The next day I'm being woken up by being thrown in a pool. My best friend had found myself and his gf lying in bed together. He was extremely pissed and I knew I couldn't fight him... He had a three year gain on me. But I was smarter. So I went for his most emotional weak spots.... I used his homelife history with his parents to break him. I told him it was no wonder his mom had od'd and commited suicide with a son like him, that his dad probably hates him cuz it was his fault, and maybe thats why he couldnt keep a girlfriend. Then i said the one thing i regret most. I told him be needed to go shoot himself. He didn't know what to say. He had nothing to I guess. But 17 days after we had our argument. He attempted suicide. He had gotten a hold on some oxy cotton and other various pain relievers and tried to od. From what I've heard he's still goin to therapy every week and probably will for a couple more years. I can't help but fill guilty for what I've done to ruin my old friends life. I often ask myself why how could I do such a thing. Could never be more sorry for what I've done. I can only wish someday i might be courageous enough to tell him how sorry I really am and hope to God he'll forgive me

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