Hello, my name is Candice Hawkins. No my story is not true but it can be and it really could happen no doubt about it. Ive never really loved before, Have you
Never realizing how thinks worked out in life never able to see what it was like to be a normal kid.
Maybe im living wrong , am I ?
My Story begins when i was born
My mother had blue eyes can you guess? She was blind.
When she had me she told the doctors these words “ is she beautiful like i thought” and after a while she put her hands up like she was going to pray and said: “ Curse the blindness of the gift i have to wonder the streets of new york and not able to see the beautiful child i have today, bless the wonderful sky and all its gods to kiss this angel sent to me to bless the ground i live on and to give me a reason to live!”
I still remeber it because my Docter who is now my foster dad wrote it down as the fantastic poet , my mother, said these very nice words that hes never heard before.
Ok back to my mom She had blond hair blue eyes purky lips long eye lashes and a dimple on the left side of her beautiful smile.
I on the other hand was a red head, with green and brown eyes, freckles on my checks and arms and straight hair but thats what i noticed when i when i get older. when i was little i had blond hair and no freckles and i had just green eyes. my mom walked out the hostpitel the week of me being born but she forgot me!? How can a mother forget their child ? did she notice? Did she even want me ? i thought i was special? was she sad? Why just Why? i know she was blind but ,you just had a child mother how can u forget the child the kid the little girl you just gave life to Why?
But before she left she named me Candice but didnt sign her name below on he birth certificates.
After she left she told the doctor ( now my step dad ) she said “bless this child with your life thus i withdrop beast by her side clopping the winds in her ears therfore never asking another qustion on the midnight stars to beautiful secret gods who walk this newyork after darkness.”
i never understood it but i think it means “ bless this child with your life and i drop a beast by her side clapping the wind in her ears therefore making here deaf.
If you are wondering i am deaf And Ill never be able to hear again..... i think she known i was going to be deaf and thought it was all her fought because she was blind and not able to see who i really am.
Later after my father took me home, he got a puppy , a papillon , Where he got it was this really old pet store. I guess they didnt know any thing about papillons because you are suppose to clean their ears so they dont go deaf. Well this little dog went deaf and Im telling you about her because She is like my best friend. The only one i can go o when someone makes fun of me because my dad doesnt understand me, i have no freinds so they dont ethier and i dont know my mom. I dont go to school and No im not home schooled but if im wondering about something ill ask my dad. You guys probley think deaf people cant talk well, they can their not very different from you they just cant hear. We can see your lips moving, Hand gestures, tears , smiles , and we can taste, feel, smell, and see. so dont look at someone like me and be like “ Oh that persons weird because they cant hear.” No thats not right, How would you feel if someone said “ Oh look at that person she/he can hear” Well you may think that great but there are some pros and cons to not being able to hear. we are not perfect. But we are in gods mind and thats wheat matters. Well let me go on .
When i turned 4 my father told my i was adopted, and i really didnt understand he told me my mom died, and gave me to him. Well thats not true he doesnt know if she died or not so thanks for telling lies to a little girl who is deaf. Well he also said that before she died she held me tight and sang a sweet song to me and told me that she was sorry and would have a good life with my father today. He said she Said she was blind and couldnt help me with my problem.
Well thats ok i still love my mother ,and my foster dad i mean its ok she was blind she wouldnt be able to tell me anything i wouldnt know if somethings wrong or not but it was wrong for her to leave me.
Ok i should move on, Ok its my 10 birthday nothing really exciting happened in my younger life, but today i turn 10 excited to know that im 10 gave me chills i thought i was so grown up i was able to drive. ( but i cant) So my father took me out to chicken lo-may and we ate the best chicken ive ever had. Here comes the bad news. I went to use the bathroom. The soap smelt so good i took it shame on me for acting this way but i had a shirt with a pocket in the front in the upper left corner i put it in there and left the bathroom. When i came out he was ready to leave and he stared the car and we got in since i was 10 now he allowed me to sit in the front. So we went driving and then here came this big truck behide us. I belive the driver was drunk or sleeping and then he tried to pass us but then it happened. The driver side swiped us, busting the driver window on are car. Then, the driver went in front of us. We were thinking it was over ,then he stopped and so did he. He started to back up running over are car. I was so afraid, that thinking about us dieing i didnt noice his truck running over my legs.
My father yelled. My blood going every where, my dad got out of the car just in time and opened the driver side of the truck and punched him in the mouth , he knocked the man out. he punched the man out the truck and got in it, Then he dived forward. Making the truck off my legs with the car metal stuck in my legs. Father got out pulled out his cell phone and called 911. he said “I need the ambulance quick my baby girls legs are broke or something.” Then he starts screaming “HELPPPPP!!!!!”. after 23 mins of pain, the ambulance came to take me to the hostpitel .
“Im ok just my legs are broken.” the doctors said. Its amazing that i made it threw. After 2 Months My dad wants to take me home so, i Went.
“Happy Late 16 Birthday!” says someone in the back ground, i was dreaming My 10 birthday all over again. I said where is my father?, Where am I?
Then a lady says your in the hospitel. Dear, Whats wrong are you ok?
I say “ Where is my Father!!!!!!!!!!” in a very loud voice. She looks surprised and says. “He killed his self 4 weeks ago Candice." In hand gestures.
I started to ball with tears running down my face. Then all of a sudden a little dog came in, i remembered the little papillon, i never told you people her name did i, Its princess.
She climbed on my bed and licked all my tears off and made me smile with happiness. Ive never been so happy. i just wanted to disappear and take princess with me, While i was all happy i didnt notice the wheel chair i was sitting in, I said “ What am i doing in this wheelchair?” the lady said “your 10th birthday put you in a wheel chair for the rest of your life, Candice.”
Year at 18,
wow almost a Woman, The world is totally different ... Being in a wheel chair taught me to appresate life, i mean im deaf and in a wheel chair.. I still have princess.. shes starting to get really old.. and when shes gone i have no one to help me.. i just feel like ending my life but you know what im not going to be the one on the tv news, who is known for death by suicide.
i Mean lots of people do it and god bless the ones it happens too but not me or any way not now.
Not untill it comes to series action.
In my wheel chair, not able to hear , i roll on over to the library only half a mile from my home.
There i see a lady who is a libraion she tries to welcome me but i dont under stand i show her by hand gestures im deaf!
She looks at me and smiles and then she starts doing signals im so surprised i dont get half the thing she says then i catch the last moment and she said in gestures “ What books are you interested in? And Then i just looked at her. “well” she says. “ oh im sorry i dont like to read, but i came to get my mind off stuff, would you like to join me.” I say, then she Replys, Yes i would.
So we start walking to sit down and we talk about are life and relationships and family.
While we are alking about family, i burst out crying. She doesnt know why and she doesnt know me and gives me a hug and says im sorry. She gives me her email address, and i just look at her.
In hand gestures she says “You know what to do with it!?”
the next day
im sitting up in my Bed with princess and then i start thinking maybe i can go back to the library, then i find out the lady pasted away at night when i read the news across the library at a coffee shop.
i start crying in tears, and yelling “ I only new you for so long but it was like we were best friends AHHHHH!!!!!!!” i know it sounds weird.
Well im upset i go home, without going to the library. Princess knows somethings wrong, she comes over to comfort me and i accept the little kisses on my face. It made me forget all about the librarian woman.
Then after all my crying i go to get the mail outside, i see a man my age riding his bike my way he stops once he gets to my house, he says “ Hello, i saw you yesterday at the coffee shop.”
and i say in words “ I am deaf can you write it down.” and Me seeing hes lips move he says no i can gesture my hands and with that i was excited and glad and smiled and started to sing.
Then he says in gestures “I once had a friend and he pasted away, would you like to come to the park with me?” i say i would love to, do you mind me bringing my puppy.
Well there is no need to get in detail nothing special just how i met my husband , Yup after a while of dating he purposed and i said yes we now have princess and a fish named kayo.