It's weird wanting to escape something I love. It's confusing and I only halfway understand my own reasons for wanting to.
I'm satisfied with my current existence, for the most part, but I also desperately want a restart. A reboot of me. Everything is just slow, and reflexive, and all too familiar. And I want to escape, but not too far away, because then safety is out of sight.
I want to see the world from a different angle. I want to put distance between me and the space I'm taking up without leaving. And I wish everyone else could disappear just long enough for me to figure everything out.
There's so much stuff around me that clutters my mind, and I don't know if it's the stuff itself that clouds my judgement, or if I'm too intent on blocking the anxiety out that I block out important things at the same time.
There must be a balance, but it's so hard to find. I want to leave, and come back, and I want to change myself but have everything else be the same.
Author Notes: Pleh