March 17, 2017
I don't know how long I have had this problem, a few month, maybe longer. I don't feel like I belong anymore, hell, I barely even feel anymore. It's almost, numb if I had to give a name, I'm becoming desensitized to almost everything. I'm losing friend, I can tell that it's my fault as well, I'm ruining my friendships with the way I have been acting as of late. I really do want to fix myself. I can't go find help because I don't want anyone else to know. Maybe if I start to isolate myself I can get time to fix everything. The only problem I can see with isolating myself is that I will start to lose the friendships that I have managed to hold on to through this, no one wants a friend that doesn't want to be around anyone. I guess that means I will just keep that same fake smile that I've been fronting until I break. Speaking of break, I've had thought about breaking myself and ending it, maybe that's the true solution to my problem. I can honestly say that if I was gone, I would be missed for maybe a couple weeks, I'm tearing up thinking about it. I don't even know if I could do it... Pull the trigger, or kick the chair out from underneath my feet...
Author Notes: I really enjoyed writing this, I'm definitely going to finish out his story in some later chapters.
United States • 24 years old