I never knew something like this could change me so much. You never know until it happens. You wait for something, you expect so much and when it does happen, it isn’t what you wanted. One day you could be smiling and the next you would be at your worst.
I always gave people more love than they ever deserved and that’s where I went wrong. I believed a lot, I thought nothing could ever go wrong. But it did, it really really did. They acted nice, sweet and charming and tried to trap me, and it worked. I did get trapped. Why did I have to be so gullible? I always thought I would get the same love and trust I gave, and I found out how wrong I was. I never did get it. But I never realized that. People always told me that I’m quite easy to unlock.
I believed them and when I fell into a ditch no one turned back. That’s when I felt true pain. True pain isn’t always felt physically, it can be felt mentally, within you and it can be even more painful. There’s nothing more painful than knowing that the person whom you loved so much doesn’t love you with the same depth. Now I’m all broken, I don’t see myself anymore. It’s all gone. I killed myself. Who would do that? Is there any point in anything now? Do I even matter?
I look into the mirror. My reflection looks back at me. Stubborn and dull. All broken. I hide it under a smile. My disguise. Talented, beautiful and undefeated I was once.
Now I see someone who is tired of it all, tired of trying, tired of being the one that always gets it. Afraid that she will no longer get accepted.
I don’t see myself anymore.
Never love too deep, the depth of your love today will be the depth of your wound tomorrow.