I had never really thought about death until it punched me in the face. I mean, what fourteen year old really thinks about dying? Its depressing, really, how quickly life can change. One minute everything perfect and beautiful isin your grasp, the next you can't see anything but gloom and fear. Have you ever been in that place before? I have.
There were two major problems in my life on that cold March afternoon. First, my older sister was dying and there wasn't anything anyone could do about it. Second, it wasn't my turn to see her yet. See, we had a system worked out, my family and I. Each of us had 30 minutes to talk to Cianna. Then it was the next person on the list's turn. It was pretty risky business since we had no way of knowing when she would die.
My Dad was talking with her right then, but I wasn't next like I should've been. Apparently Cianna's boyfriend Lucas was more important than me. When my Dad came out from his last chat with Cianna, cheeks wet, Lucas got up and walked calmly to the door of Cianna's room. I knew it was an act thought. He was probably absolutely broken on he inside. Just like I was.
I was tired of waiting,so I followed him. He didn't seem to notice. Before he shut the door for privacy, I caught a glimpse of my sister. She didn't look any different, only really upset. She had cancer, so it didn't do much to her appearence. She'd supposedly gotten it 5 or 6 years ago, so it had had a lot of time to spread through her body before the any doctor had figured it out.
I pressed my ear to the door so I wokd be able to hear them talking. I only heard sobbing. After a long time, Cianna spoke shakily.
"Please don't remember me this way, Lucas."
He sniffled before answering, "What do you mean?"
"Don't remember me sad and scared, lying here in this bed, too sick to move. Remember my laugh. Remember my open eyes, filled with love and joy. Remember my smiling face." She could barely get that last word out because Lucas started weeping again.
Cianna cried some more along with Lucas for a bit, then I didn't hear anything. With a jolt, I realized they were kissing. This was the last time Cianna would be kissed by Lucas. This was the last time she would feel his arms around her. This was the last time she would ever see Lucas. Those thoughts made me feel like a complete intruder to their last few moments of precious privacy, soi backed away to the living room.
Eventually, Lucas came out with a torn look on his face, and I headed back to Cianna's room. Before I even made it there, tears were rolling off my face. The second I saw her I let out a long, painful sob and ran to her bedside. We hugged and held each other for a long time before Cianna started talking.
"I love you, you know that right, Violet?" she croaked out.
"I do know. And I love you, too. More than anything. Please don't go, Cianna."
"I don't want to, but it's my time. I truly wish I could stay, but it's not up to me anymore, Violet. please don't be angry about this. Anger won't help. Only acceptance will get you through this."
"Since when did you get so deep?" I tried to joke, but Cianna took my question seriously.
"Sincei realized I won't live to see my eighteenth birthday."
"Oh, Cianna," I started crying again. "How am I going to live without you?"
For a long time, she was silent, and when I looked at her I saw that she was trying her best not to cry, for my sake. Finally, she said, "Only time will tell." and that got me crying again.
There's really nothing else to the story. Thats how it happened, and it will never change. Everyday I wishi could see her again, happy, loving life. But I won't. And the only thing that gets me through that fact is thinking about Cianna's smiling face.