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By jtwallender

It’s funny how life takes a turn for the worst. You find things just start finding their grove and something changes. I’m not talking about a change that makes you grind you teeth or snuff your nose, but rather the kind you feel in your heart. It’s the kind of situation where you have no sense of direction; you’re afraid to make a choice that could affect your entire life. Then suddenly a line of advice is given to you by someone who is stable with love. Sometimes you have to let a bird go to see if it comes back. These simple words, none too complicated for a dictionary nor, metaphorically uncomprehendable stimulates ideas, and may even bring a tear to your eye.
My life has been a fairy tale, with its ups and downs. A few years ago I was doing all the right things for my life at the expense of happiness. I made a decision I regret every single day, to this day, with exception to what I have found. This girl was wonderful. A small though of her brought my weary mind to pure bliss, and although I have never been the adulterous type, she made me commit.
We grew up child hood friends seeing each out on an inconsistent basis until college. Her family being extremely conservative, with exception, made it uncomfortable at first. She was an only child with a Hollywood star upbringing. I was the oldest of two, responsible, nice and worried about where my life was going. My upbringing was more unconventional and lax at the same time. We were both fine looking people; we made an outstanding and attractive couple. We occasionally conversed about how beautiful our babies would be. We did all the things young true love has, corny jokes, many kisses, and connected at the hip. She was a year younger than me, and for this I blame for all of the dilemma and turmoil that has been caused.
The last time I cried was May 2, 2005. This was the day my grandmother passed. She had the relationship my father and I have today, and although I felt the pain for my father and grief for the loss of a family member it gave me the strongest relationship in my life: the relationship with my father. I wasn’t present the minute she passed, but I do remember the heart filling phrase that came out of her mouth when I was next to her and my father on her death bed, “I will never leave your side. The measure of my love cannot be measured, but when I am gone the smallest measure of worth will never let you down.” In her hand she held a penny.
Everyone has seen a penny on the sidewalk. Like everyone else nothing ever crossed my mind, until that night when my heart was put into a debacle of love and pride. I was walking through a parking lot with my dad the same night she broke my heart. I spotted a penny on the pavement; like every other time I walked over it.
Not as soon as I put my hand on the door my father said, “Hey a penny, Grandma has just said hello.” I turned and asked him heads or tails.
“Heads,” my father responded without missing a beat.
By this time the door was wide open I was inside the public facility and in a split second my grandmas memorable words, jumped into my head. I could not control my eyes. To my relief was my father’s love, just the way his mom was for him. I took this as a sign. My father was the smartest person I knew. He made the same connection to his mom. I knew I had to listen to what the penny had said about my love trouble and my future. I kept my head up and pondered my options with heavy, painful, and loving thoughts.

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7 Dec, 2010
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