Smoke

Everything’s gray.
There’s no space it’s not white or black. The space in between. Everything’s dim, not a shining, white bright light, yet not a pitch abyss of black. Everything’s the same dull gray. We are the smoke twisting and swirling through life not knowing where the wind will take us, jutting in different directions with no prediction. Yet there’s a spark that somebody occasionally starts within us. Lighting us up as there’s an explosion of feeling. Life no longer dim. Your flying through the sky so far gone. Swirling with the stars that are reflected in your eyes. He’s a drug. You feel as if you can never come down. The drug himself takes his high away, the dopamine gone from your mind.
You’re so far up but now that he’s left you your falling. The fall is scarier than the high. The highs a beautiful thrill but once your falling there’s no stopping it. The drug making you crash and fall into the depths of hell. He was everything yet he was nothing. He only gave the high. He gave a pretty hallucination. His hazel eyes digging through your soul leaving you blind. He gave nothing but you gave him everything. You gave him your soul. The devil, his eyes glassy, his lips a smirk as he takes your most prized possession and runs off through the fog of your mind. You chase him, seeing him everywhere, yet he’s gone. A thief in the night who stole your heart which is no longer yours. The pulse in your chest, the muscle that pumped blood through your sinewy veins. Blue and purple. Your alive. But he took everything. The drug leaving your system took away the spark in your eyes, your laughter, your high. You stumble looking for him, missing him. You see he’s no good for you. He makes your blood hot, makes your skin tingle. Leaves a reckless rage within you. A lust like no other. He makes your heart crash out of your ribs and your lips quiver and he left you breathless. His touch staining your body, you and he became a painting. The painting of summer, because that’s when it began. The colors he left painted on you are now gone because he never truly wanted you, he looked right through you. The colors of stainless glass, dim and dripping from your body. He wanted the color from your eyes, the stormy blue and the flecks of gold. He wanted what wasn’t his and ran off with it. He took the light and the colors and the sun. The sensation he would leave in your mind after restless nights of no sleep. He was the quick hot fire that burned as fast as it came. He was the definition of first love but now he’s nothing. Nothing but a speck in your eyes, a memory of brokenness. So you wander lost without his love. Love that wasn’t love but lust for him. His greedy hands on your body. Staining you from head to toe with his touch and scent. His hands rough.
Your naked wandering the earth. Delicate and Stuck in between. The gray. Lost with heartbreak and wandering through the world with no sense. No longer having a sense of self. You drift through the middle. Roaming through life with no purpose or happiness. Letting him control every second. He comes back. You fall. Fall harder than last time. He leaves. You fall harder. Get back up. He’s back. You fall. His love turning you into a demon. You shred yourself apart for him. His toxin infecting your mind. Peeling your skin and giving him everything you have. You rip yourself apart for what you thought was love. He takes more of you every time. He takes your body and leaves every time. Leaving you howling in despair. Broken. Nothing. Leaving you cold. There’s nothing left of you and you lie on the cold ground and engulf yourself in the sharp edges and hell of him. Blood simmering for him yet as you lay there he comes back and leaves. He comes and goes as he pleases. Yet slowly He’s no longer a drug. He has used up your body and mind. Your energy. There’s no longer a high. He doesn’t matter. He comes back one last time.
Yet finally he can’t get into your bloodstream. You are no longer his but yours. Your naked and caked with dirt and ruined but stronger than ever and a part of the circling earth again. And you burn. With passion, rage, and beauty which you scorn him with. And he decays and withers. A parasite without his host. In the end as you leave him. It turns out you were his drug. He fed on your laughter, soul, body, your humanity, but gave nothing in return. So now you’re a fire, no longer smoke. And he’s burning within your flame and does the drugs that he made you feel you were on, stuck in the gray.

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