It was the gun fire that woke me up that night. Sweating, out of breath, I sat up in my bed looking around my room. Everything was in place, the dog was laying by the edge of my bed, clothes were sprawled around my room, and the light was on. I must have fallen asleep while doing some chores. I didn't have any family, my dad died in war and my mom of heartbreak. My sister and I were never really close and she moved to the other side of the country. But hey, a dog is a man's best friend, right? I pushed myself forward to shut off my light and I sat there in the dark shaking off the fear of the firing guns. I remembered the fear all the men had, every gun shot was the sound of your possible death. I remember how much fear followed us around. We went to bed with the fear of thinking that this could be our last moment in our lives. Nobody really spoke of these cowardly acts, but rather just pretended to forget about them. I remember how much bodies were lying on the ground on a normal afternoon. I remember walking down the street from base and seeing so many dead bodies, most of them I knew. Chills went down my spine every time I thought of it. Every story I have read about a solider and his time in war, they always describe their time being the scariest moments in their life. You can never really describe how scary it really is. No words can describe how much fear took over us. No words can describe how much we missed our families. It is worse than hell, worse than your biggest childhood fear. Mommy and daddy aren’t there for you in war. They won’t be able to hold you hand when you get scared. Usually people crouch down in a corner and cry. Most of them you would think were insane. Most of them couldn’t cope with everything that was happening. They probably did go insane when they got home. Just like when your in jail for a long time, all you know is war. Everyone around is an enemy. Every person is out to get you. There is no peace after you’ve been in war. I don’t know how I got through it... I don’t know how I am still alive. It seems, as I look back, I was always frightened. Everyone perceives soldiers to be a strong, brave hero. It was not like that... at all. We were never really brave and you could definitely tell. You could see the fear in our eyes, in our body motion. Like I said, no really spoke of these things, just let people believe we were okay. I don’t think anybody ever did believe us, but just let us deal with it. My mom also used to tell me “You don’t cry unless its worth, and if you’re alive, it isn’t worth it.” I have always lived by it. There have been those times where I do break down and I do have a few tears rolling down my cheek, but I have never sobbed.