I understand the mistakes I've made. And I have tried my best to make up for them. Tried my hardest to not let anyone see me in a vulnerable state. I hate people to see me cry, hate them to see me too happy, or excited, because when people see that you can be bothered it gives them leverage. I've been taken advantage of too many times to let that happen. And in turn I'm unable to make friends because I come off as intimidating. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who comes off as emotionless. And yet I get upset that I have no one to turn to. I've gotten myself stuck in this paradox and its rather frustrating. And here I am messing up with you again. And I want to say sorry for that, sorry that no matter what I do I just keep disappointing you. I wish I could say I'll do better next time, but every time ends the same and I come back anyways.