Stop

I sit in my room at my desk in my room with my boyfriend on my bed laying down. I was trying to study when he came behind me. He startled me. Eventually he started touching me, rubbing his hands up and down my torso, and kissing my neck. I don’t like this feeling, in fact, I hate it. I want to stop but I can’t say no. I’m too scared of him. Luckily his mom pulled up to my house and beeped her horn signaling that he needs to leave. He kissed my cheek and walked out. I just stood here until I knew he was gone. When he was, I curled up into a ball on my bed and started crying. I cried until I physically couldn’t. I wish I was normal.

For the past 6 months he has been very controlling. He gets angry very easily and makes me do certain things I don’t like doing. All of this started happening because I told him that I’m aesexual. He told me that I needed therapy and that my mind is just confused. In order to make me not aesexual and “normal” according to him, he has been doing these things.

I wish I could just say no and break up with him but I’m scared. I am so scared of him and what he can do when he gets angry. I wish I wasn’t such a wuss. All I have to say is five words. Another reason why I haven’t left him is that after every time he does something he says that he loves me so much and how special I am to him. Majority of me believes him but there is just a tiny part of me saying that if he did actually love me then he wouldn’t be doing this. I just wish I could just say the word Stop.

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