Why are you checking your phone every five minutes or so? You know nobody’s messaged you and you tell yourself that every time you lift your phone up but you still check. You still hope. It’s the same outcome every time ‘no notifications’ how surprising. Nobody gives a shit about you and you know this. Damn it stop looking! They don’t care. What do you do? You try and convince yourself that you hate them; it makes it hurt less when you tell yourself that they hate you. It takes the pain away. It doesn’t. because you know you can’t hate them, you care too much but you know you’ve done something wrong; you must have done. Why else would they never include you in any of their plans? You sit there on your bed alone in your room its cold in there but you don’t care and you go through everything wrong with you trying to figure out what’s made them hate you, “am I too loud? To happy? Too sad? Am I annoying? Do I try too hard? Am I too much? Am I not enough?” you ask yourself over and over every night.
You’re sad, you’re always sad but you don’t let anyone see how sad. You drown yourself in work and alcohol to try and forget, you don’t know what exactly you’re trying to forget; it goes from your sadness, to your first memory, to now. You just want to forget it all, you want to forget yourself. Everyone else has. “Soon,” you say to the mirror, struggling to stand up straight “I will no longer exist,” you slur, but you mean it.
You’re nothing now. You don’t exist anymore, it’s sad really, sad but it’s too late to save you.
Author Notes: slightly longer this time :0