Strange Phrases

Panic attacks, depression, anxiety, anorexia. Funny words these are. Strange words to people who don’t know what they are. Funny phrases to most adults who just say ‘stop faking it for attention’ some people aren’t faking it. Although you think they might because they don’t ‘show it’. So, you’re telling me If I don’t show that I’m having a panic attack, that I’m not having one. So, if I’m not sad all the time does that mean that I don’t have depression? If I don’t worry about things does that mean that I don’t have anxiety. And If I’m not skinny does that mean I don’t have anorexia. These are the type of things we as teenagers hear because we are ‘not showing it’. But as soon as an adult says they are depressed everyone sympathises them. Like sure I’m not saying adults can’t have it but what gives them the right to say we don’t? sure you may say that I’m being a brat or that I’m being stupid. But I’m just trying to state what I think is real and what I think is reality, you may say that my reality is completely different to yours and truth is yes, yes, it is. but does that make me less important. Anyway, before I keep rambling on my name’s jay, and this Is my story. I was eleven when I started to feel these snippets of sadness sometimes and I worried quite a lot about little things. I thought this was normal because all eleven-year-old girls worry about their 5-a – day, right? Then came the age of 13 where I started looking at magazines and online at models that I wanted to be like, they were just so skinny and beautiful. They looked like ate one meal a day if even that. I mean all 13-year-old girls worry about their weight, right? And then age 15 started where I started to eat less and less, I ate only two meals a day at first, then I ate one meal a day, then only snacks, then maybe one an apple, and then there was nothing. I started to eat less till I didn’t want to eat anymore, I was happy because I was losing weight and finally starting to look like these models. I still drunk water but nothing like coke or juice too many calories. Well again all 15-year-olds starve themselves, right? Then 16 hit and that is where things have started to get tough. My sadness was still here, and I was starving myself even more, but there’s something else that I did. Well, all I’m going to say is I started using blades and well you know the rest. It started to get worse and worse anytime I even got remotely sad I did it. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. still, nobody’s noticed anything different because I smiled and acted normal, both my parents realised that I was losing weight that didn’t do anything but congratulate me, I felt special, I felt like I actually I has achieved something. Later on, in the year my mum realised I was losing all this weight and she got worried, I told her there was nothing to worry about, but she didn’t listen. That night when I put a short sleeve top on for the first time in 2 years my mum came in and I thought I hid my cuts, but she found them and well that’s where my story ends…... nah I’m just joking I wouldn’t do that to you. We went to the doctor the next day and he diagnosed me with the strange phrases I mentioned in the beginning. My mum was sad, and my dad was sad, but they told me that I’m worth it and they love me. we sat down for the next 3 hours of that night and we just talked... it was nice. For once I didn’t have to hide all my emotions, I could let them out freely. I’m 18 now and I can proudly say that I haven’t done it in a year and I’m not a victim to it I’m a survivor, I promise you it will get better and that it will get better if you believe.

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